Tuesday, March 29, 2016

These Days



These days have been busy and I've neglected this blog. Maybe you care, maybe you don't. Because I'm focusing on work elsewhere and working on a book, I won't be posting quite as much on here. BUT, I will still post stuff I like, because ya know, I always have many, many suggestions for you. 







***A side note, as a couple of people have asked me, I have never and will never post about stuff that I've been paid to try, like, etc. If I suggest something, it's because I think it's awesome and want everyone to know about it. 





Here is some of what I've been up to....


ASK ERIN (going strong, every Friday on Ravishly)


More on miscarriage


Don't call me crazy


#WomanCentered


A parenting moment






And, today feels like this.....









Monday, January 11, 2016

Smiling and waving and looking so fine....








I woke up before dawn, from a strange dream. I picked up my phone to check the time. 4:58 AM. I saw that I had 3 notifications, it was my turn on Words With Friends, someone new has started following me on Instagram, and from the NY Times- "David Bowie, the legendary musician, has died at age 69." 

I felt a vacuum in my chest suck up all the air. I threw my phone down, like maybe I could I "unsee" it. When Seth's alarm went off, minutes later, I saw that he sat up and read that same notification on his phone. I could not pretend. 





He got up and I was left there in the dark. As I had fallen asleep only 3 hours before that, I tried to will myself back to sleep, which never works. 




Here we are a few hours later and I have to see it. David Bowie is dead. 




The only time in my life that I have ever been truly star-struck was  during my one brief, strange, and wonderful moment with him in New York City when I was 16. 


I feel what we all feel, gut-punched, like a piece of us floated away in the night, into the stars, with our Star Man. And we awaken with holes in our bodies that ache. 


Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars has consistently been one of my top 5 favorite albums of all time, since the first time I heard it so many years ago. Listen to it, the whole thing, in one sitting, again.




And, I will always remember the many nights in Melinda's kitchen listening to this....



and live....




How lucky are we to have lived in his lifetime, to be left with his music, to be profoundly and forever changed by him. 


Thursday, December 31, 2015

GTFO 2015


 


Dear 2015,

We've had some laughs and a few more tears. I'm not sorry to see you go, so I will just say....CHEERS!







What are you most looking forward to in 2016? I am looking forward to A LOT. I want to...

WRITE MORE

GIVE MORE

LEARN MORE

LAUGH MORE

TRY MORE

LOVE MORE





In closing out this challenging, sometimes rewarding and sometimes heartbreaking, year, here are a few of my favorite things I wrote in 2015. 

















PS. A quick housekeeping note. Ask Erin! can now be seen exclusively on Ravishly. xoxo BRING IT. 

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Ask Erin: How Do I Deal With Feeling Isolated As A Single Parent?






Q.

I need help dealing with isolation as a single parent. This is my first Christmas, since splitting from my ex-husband. He left when my son was 7 months old,  almost a year ago, for another woman.

I think I’m over him. I certainly wouldn’t want to be with him again, but I’m jealous of what he has. He has someone he comes home to every night. 

I have so much to appreciate. I do. But I see myself isolating others, and I feel isolated. I don’t have many friends with kids, so I feel like my friends don’t understand what I’m going through.

I want someone special in my life, but I have none at the moment. Lots of interest but nobody compelling. Part of me thinks I don’t even have room for anyone else. My 18 month old takes up a lot of my time. I have help from my parents, I have a good job, but there has to be more than this. Right? I feel guilty for saying that, because my son is everything. 

So what do I do about this isolation? Grin and bear it? 








A.
First, let me tell you that I really understand. My son’s father and I split up officially when my son was two, but the marriage had really ended when he was about 6 months old. So, I get it. It can be an isolating and confounding experience to be a new mother, under the best of circumstances. The loss of a partner, even though I assume he is still co-parenting, adds to those overwhelming feelings of aloneness. What you are feeling is valid, reasonable, and normal. 

It does get better. The balance between your individuality and your role as a mother will even out. You will find your identity again, your new identity. And it can be a liberating and exciting experience.

Now, for the isolation, it’s something I also understand. When I had my son Atticus, I had all of one friend who had a kid. I felt completely alone in my new role and it took some time getting used to navigating the world plus one. 

So what helped? I forged friendships with other moms. I found most of them in mom/baby yoga, which seriously saved my sanity. Some of them I met by chance. Now, there are mom matchmaking websites that can connect you with other likeminded moms in your area. A good starting place is Hello Mamas. It may sound cheesy, but mama, you need a support system of women who get where you’re at

When Atticus started preschool, I was younger than most of the parents there and was one of the only single moms. It was not rife with friendships for me, at first. At another kid’s birthday party, one mom after talking to me for a few moments asked who I worked for. Confused, I explained that I was Atticus’s mom. She said, “Oh, I thought you were the nanny.” Yeah. So, it wasn’t always easy. But, by the end of his preschool years, I did make some friends. 

Don’t discount your childless friends! When I couldn’t head out for the night, I had people over. I had dinner parties, whiskey and Scrabble parties, Real Housewives of New Jersey parties (I know, so guilty.). You can incorporate your old life into your new life, you just have to change it up. 

As for romance, you will love again, you will be loved again and it is totally possible to navigate dating as a single a parent. I know all about it, which some of you may recall! And don’t be jealous of what your ex has. In my experience, relationships that spring from affairs never end well. You don’t what what they have, trust me. 

And give yourself a break. It’s been less than a year since your breakup and only 18 months since life as you knew it changed. This is a new chapter. Embrace it, you will look back on these days and marvel at how far you’ve come. You won’t feel isolated forever. I promise. xoxo





If you have a question for me about dating, friendships, heartache, bagels, kittens, or anything at all, email rarelywrongerin@gmail.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo

I'm Going To Say It Again, Because Our Response To Tragedy Isn't Working





Last week, another mass shooting occurred in San Bernadino, California. As developments unfolded, my Facebook news feed was flooded with news articles, updates, and personal thoughts. Much like what happened after the Paris shootings and the countless similar tragedies, people began moving to their political corners and expressing their feelings on the internet, feelings of sadness, anger, but mostly fear. And, undeniably, outrage.


It’s understandable. As we process these events that keep coming, as the unfathomable becomes commonplace, we are scared, we are angry, we want to point the finger of blame in the right direction, in some direction. I get it, I have felt it. But, we aren’t going to change things by locking ourselves up in fear, wrapped in our own personal ideologies. We aren’t going to change things by staying stuck in an anger that begins to poison the very ideals we hold dear. If we react to this by arguing with each other about gun control, about how authorities handled this, about religion, about “praying for the fill-in-the-blank victims,” about who or what created a culture that has birthed this, then we become part of the problem. 


Yes, we need to educate ourselves, we need to look at our laws and work hard to change them, we need to have those conversations (not those screaming matches) about gun control, and we need to find a way to realize that most of us want the same thing for our world. But, most importantly, we need to start where we are to heal the world. 


I am somebody who believes that change begins with me, with you, as individuals.  We have no control over what other people say or do. We do have control over what we say or do. Instead of spreading anger, in our conversations, both on and offline, what if we get in to action instead? What if we all started setting the example? I volunteer, in my own community, both on a regular basis and for special events. I’m not some saint. I’m not special or great because I do this. But, I show up. I show up and make sandwiches for hungry people in New York City. Or, I show up and organize care packages for homebound people who are elderly or ill. Or, I show up when someone asks if I can help with project xyz, because I am capable of doing it, because it does matter, because that’s how we heal the world. 


It’s beyond overwhelming to confront the issues in our world that have made it possible for mass shootings to become commonplace. Instead of ranting about it or pointing the finger or reposting another article, get in to action, not just in terms of having our voices heard. Those voices are important, but the smaller actions in our own communities are important too. If we did that, the benefits would be immeasurable. Instead of snowballing the anger that fueled these events to begin with, change the conversation, start outside your front door, do something.


What I am saying is not original. And, I have said this myself, both in real life and online, many times before. But, I feel compelled to say these things again now. Take the energy from that anger and fear and put it somewhere good. That’s our only hope of dissipating the strength of terrorism (and terrorism takes many forms) both here and abroad. The bonus- you will feel less paralyzed, you will feel more empowered, you will feel you are part of the solution. 





There are endless ways in which you can be a part of the healing instead of the destruction. If you are unsure of where to start, you can try out Volunteer Match to find out where and how you can help in your community. 

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Ask Erin:! Do I Keep Seeing Someone I’m Not Sure About?





Q. 

Ahhhhh! Help, I don’t want to be “that guy!” 
I met a girl on Tinder. Our first date went pretty well. We hit it off. We’ve had 2 more dates since, including spending a day in the park and grabbing dinner  and most recently watching a movie/fooling around. No sex. I’ve had fun with her, but I don’t know if I want to pursue something long term with her. We click for sure, but I don’t feel entirely into her. 

And I feel badly because I think she’s a bit more into me. After each date, she’s been the one to initiate contact first and make another plan. Also, she seems a little clingy on our dates- always taking my hand and kissing it, gripping my arm, etc. During our last date, while fooling around in her bed, she said “I really like you, a lot, but I need to take this slow, physically.” I have no problem with that. I have only known her for 2 weeks, but it feels like she is moving towards the relationship thing and I am not ready to think about being exclusive with her. 

I’m not sure how to handle it. I’m dating other women casually and she seems the most in to me. I don’t want to rush into a relationship, but I also don’t want to hurt her by leading her on. I feel like I could continue to just keep it casual, on my end at least. She’s fun and cute, but I feel real unsure of long term chemistry with her. I don’t know if that spark is there. I am happy to keep dating her casually, but I’m afraid of hurting her and being that guy. also, her clinginess is sort of a turnoff, but I don’t think I can point that out to her. Any help? 








A. 

Ahhh, your question is the perfect companion to last week’s question! As hard as it is to be the one who wants it more, I think it’s even harder when you like someone, but are pretty sure you’re not as into it, as the other person. 

You need to be honest. Although, the truth may hurt her a little, it’s less hurtful than leading her on, when you’re unsure of wanting anything serious. She sounds like someone who is interested in a long-term relationship. 

And truthfully, she does sound a little clingy. All that hand kissing would give me anxiety, even from my husband. I don’t like constant PDA. (Arguably, that may be my baggage, but I digress!) I do think that it’s a red flag, in so far as you may need different things from a relationship. I have friends who need a lot of physical affirmation and they have found happiness with partners who also enjoy giving and receiving that. For me, as I said, that would be a horrible fit. So, don’t discount that. Neither one of you are in the wrong. It’s just different strokes for different folks. 

You need to have that uncomfortable conversation. Not having the conversation will make you “that guy” you want to avoid being. Tell her that you like her, enjoy spending time with her, but you are unsure of wanting a committed relationship right now. Tell her that you would like to continue seeing her, but are not there yet, in terms of being exclusive. Then, see how she reacts. Unfortunately, she may not hear you. Often, people are fixated on what they want someone to be, rather than what they are. In the end, you may need to put the kibosh on this. I think we know fairly quickly and decisively if someone is right for us. But, you know that. You just needed me to tell you. 






If you have a question for me about love, dating, breakups, frenemies, or anything at all, email rarelywrongerin@gmail.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Leftover Friday Suggestions On A Tuesday Because YOLO


Oh, November, what a sad, strange month you have been. If you're in need of distraction, here are some suggestions for you....



















To Listen (Because after you rent or buy the short film mentioned above, you will want to listen to this over again, as it is one of the most beautiful, honest, pure songs...ever.)




 To listen