Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Blame it on the armpit.

I have an extremely sensitive sense of smell. This is not always an asset. There are certain smells that provoke an involuntary gag reflex in me. Literally, smells will make me gag. Now, this is not a good sign, if the way a person smells causes this rather dramatic response. They may not smell bad to someone else, but to me, well, repulsive.

On the flip side of this, I am deeply driven by pleasant odors (I never really like that word- "odor"). When I am attracted to someone, it is often intertwined with their specific scent. In true Pavlovian form, I respond to the scent of a lover as if it is a homing device. I can't get enough of it. B.O.? Bring it on. There is no greater aphrodisiac than the sweat of a man I am in love and/or lust with.

When love affairs sour, so does my lover's scent. What once turned me on, now makes me gag. It's usually a good indicator that I'm done.

Perhaps I suffer from hyperosmia, like Jean-Baptiste Grenouille in the book Perfume.

I wonder how many of us our driven by our olfactory system. I find the whole study of pheromones, and their role in our lives, pretty fascinating. You can read more here and here.

Just for fun....armpit scene from Flirting With Disaster.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I was wrong about something.

Ok, I was telling someone the other day about the film My Bodyguard. I love this movie. It's about this kid who is getting bullied at school and hires the school outcast to be his bodyguard. It came out in 1980, but I caught onto it sometime in the mid-late 80s. It was one of those movies they would play on Saturday afternoons. Seriously, you should watch it. Young Matt Dillon, kooky old Ruth Gordon, high school dramz. It's great, trust me. (Yes, I am aware that I relate too well to high school plots.)

Now, about my mistake. The movie came up because we were watching Law and Order: Criminal Intent, which you know is what you do on a Saturday night. Anyways, in my mind it was Vincent D'Onofrio, who played the "bodyguard." When I looked it up today, I found that I was wrong. It was Adam Baldwin (no relation to the Baldwin Brothers) who played Ricky Linderman. All this time I have had a weird crush on Vincent D'Onofrio, merely because he was the bodyguard. But, he was not Ricky Linderman!!!!!! So, I fucked up. I am a big enough person to admit this slip in mental accuracy.

Regardless of my failings, it is worth a watch or a re-watch.

How stupes is this trailer!

and a couple of clips....I think you can watch the whole thing on YouTube.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Life on the inside.....

This weekend I caught a few episodes of Lock Up. I have come to this conclusion: I would not make a good prisoner. Or, let me rephrase that, I would be an okay prisoner, but I would not fare well in prison. I surely would be made somebody’s bitch, within the first 48 hours. Can you shave your legs? Who would visit me? The food- no, I could not. How would I pass the time? This one guy spent all of his time in the hobby shop making dollhouses for his nieces. That is how I would survive- tweaking out on crafts....and reading. Ooooh, reading. Think of all the time I would have to read! There are of course some variables to consider: Would anyone send me books? Do I have the fine motor skills to make a dollhouse from scratch?

On one of the episodes, they showed inmate straight guys hook up with fem guys (but only on the inside), men and their conjugal visits, and women behind bars with all sorts of relationship drama. Maybe I could get a man on the outside to marry me, so I could have conjugal visits. Such a trip, those ladies that marry dudes in prison. Somehow, I don't think there are as many guys itching to get hitched to Chain Gang Chelsea. I don’t think you get conjugal visits unless you are married. So, clearly I would have to either convince some loser to marry me, his budding jail-bride, or let myself become the "wife" to "Heavy D" or "Big Mama."

Going, going, gone

Leaving. I have spent huge chunks of my life leaving.....leaving New York, leaving Los Angeles, leaving Paris, leaving lovers, leaving friends. I am very familiar with the feelings associated with leaving. It never seems to get any easier, but it’s presence in my life certainly does not feel foreign. Maybe some of us operate better when we are always leaving, always going, always saying goodbye and then hello and then goodbye again.

In my memory bank, there are miles of memories, all comprised of goodbyes. The faces, the places, the salty tears, the joy, the guilt, the longing, the fear, the excitement, the dread, the freedom, the desire, the loneliness, the hunger: those are palpable to me, each time I leave.

One could say that some people even set up their lives based on the act of always leaving. One could say that I may have done that. One could say that the fear of commitment may, in fact, belong to me. One could say that never quite being settled is what makes me feel alive. One could also say that perhaps this has not been the best laid plan. One could say that maybe it’s time to stick to one coast, one country, one self. One could also say that, just perhaps, I have said too much.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Picnic at Hanging Rock

While we are on the subject of films you should watch, have you seen Peter Weir's Picnic at Hanging Rock? I love it- it's eery and disturbing in the subtlest way. Perhaps you should add it to your weekend film fest. It's merely a suggestion.


This would be a good weekend for you to watch a movie you should have already seen. A few suggestions:

I promise you will enjoy at least one of them.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

All bets are off...

all photos: Milton Rogovin- do yourself a favor.

There are certain people in life, they stir something so deep, that all bets are off. All bets are off for our own self-control, self-preservation, common sense, logic. If you are lucky, you may have known 1 or 2. Maybe you are that someone for someone else. These ones, they defy our defenses, rendering us into liquid before them. If you are the luckiest, they are gentle with you, in your helpless state. If you are unlucky, they are careless and you have the opportunity to learn something new, or something old. Maybe life would be less bittersweet, and sometimes less painful, were we to avoid such folk our whole lives.....but then, life would be less beautiful, and certainly less interesting.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Love Letters

In my life, I have received some love letters, I have written some love letters. I came across this last week: the best love letter I have ever received. I suggest that you write a love letter. There are all types of love. Write a love letter today, to anyone. It might just make you feel good. More importantly, it might make the recipient feel good, or at the very least, feel something period. Here is my favorite, author shall remain anonymous:

So should I let you in on these thoughts, these feelings that wrap around my moments of aloneness, that quietly penetrate even my sleep and, when I awake whisper in my ear: "What a good host you have been?"

I am not one for the writing of love letters, which to me seem like the throwing of oneself upon the mercy of the court. I like my drama where it belongs, in someone else's life. But, I cannot contain myself any longer. You remind me that I am a secret to myself. I am inundated with you. Your smile conducts my pulse. I am strung-out. Though you offer me only fragments divided by time and space, torn by incompatible loyalties, what is between us is no less valuable for being fleeting.

If I act against my own good in writing you, that speaks only to the depth of my feeling and my inability to harness it. Is that awkward for you? I have no recourse but honesty with you. This is not a declaration of love but of drunkenness. I am drunk with you. I do not pretend to understand it, nor do I care to; just as I do not write with a need for you to respond. Ever. Whatever may happen, keep a safe place for whatever this is.

I will add that this is all very irregular and slightly embarrassing for me. It has been a long time since I have been so affected by someone and, it is a bit reminiscent of high school.

So there you have it. I have kept a place safe for whatever that is/was. I should have made different choices, but I didn't. I am glad that I kept the letter. It reminds me of things I need to remember.

Friday, September 18, 2009


Finally! Curb Your Enthusiasm is back, this Sunday, on HBO. I was thinking about the show and it hit me: there are quite a few parallels in Larry David's persona and some of the personality traits in several of the men from my past relationships. I don't really know what this says about me. I pick people who often put their proverbial foot in their mouth? I enjoy a challenge?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Fashion Week, Part 4: Oscar de la Renta SLAYS IT!

I adore these clothes. They are the clothes I want to wear when I grow up and become a lady. I die.

full collection

TV Confessions: Part 2

Does anyone remember this show? Out of This World was a sitcom that revolved around a half-alien girl and her single mom. At the end of each episode, she would talk to her dad, who lived on another planet. It was a ridiculous concept, but, I will admit that I watched this show as a kid. I think it was on Saturday mornings and I have probably seen every episode.

I feel like I have better than average taste in a lot of areas. Television is clearly not one of them. This show is the tip of the iceberg for me, in the hours I have wasted watching rubbish. I will offer this argument in favor of this show and others like it: There is a numbing quality to watching these shows, not unlike a drug, that somehow occupies those corners of my brain that would, otherwise, be left to think far too much about far too few things.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Fashion Week, Part 3: Rag & Bone

My last word on S/S 2010 for the evening- Rag & Bone- consistently making clothes I want to wear.

Fashion Week, Part 2: Halston

I heart these floaty little numbers from Halston. I am also more than excited to see what Marios Schwab dreams up for Fall 2010, his first season at the helm of Halston.

Fashion Week, Part 1: Boy by Band of Outsiders

I love this label. I love their S/S 2010 line. You are more than welcome to buy me one of these outfits. I will wear it when I take you out to dinner.