Monday, September 28, 2009
Going, going, gone
Leaving. I have spent huge chunks of my life leaving.....leaving New York, leaving Los Angeles, leaving Paris, leaving lovers, leaving friends. I am very familiar with the feelings associated with leaving. It never seems to get any easier, but it’s presence in my life certainly does not feel foreign. Maybe some of us operate better when we are always leaving, always going, always saying goodbye and then hello and then goodbye again.
In my memory bank, there are miles of memories, all comprised of goodbyes. The faces, the places, the salty tears, the joy, the guilt, the longing, the fear, the excitement, the dread, the freedom, the desire, the loneliness, the hunger: those are palpable to me, each time I leave.
One could say that some people even set up their lives based on the act of always leaving. One could say that I may have done that. One could say that the fear of commitment may, in fact, belong to me. One could say that never quite being settled is what makes me feel alive. One could also say that perhaps this has not been the best laid plan. One could say that maybe it’s time to stick to one coast, one country, one self. One could also say that, just perhaps, I have said too much.