Monday, September 28, 2009
Life on the inside.....
This weekend I caught a few episodes of Lock Up. I have come to this conclusion: I would not make a good prisoner. Or, let me rephrase that, I would be an okay prisoner, but I would not fare well in prison. I surely would be made somebody’s bitch, within the first 48 hours. Can you shave your legs? Who would visit me? The food- no, I could not. How would I pass the time? This one guy spent all of his time in the hobby shop making dollhouses for his nieces. That is how I would survive- tweaking out on crafts....and reading. Ooooh, reading. Think of all the time I would have to read! There are of course some variables to consider: Would anyone send me books? Do I have the fine motor skills to make a dollhouse from scratch?
On one of the episodes, they showed inmate intimacy....how straight guys hook up with fem guys (but only on the inside), men and their conjugal visits, and women behind bars with all sorts of relationship drama. Maybe I could get a man on the outside to marry me, so I could have conjugal visits. Such a trip, those ladies that marry dudes in prison. Somehow, I don't think there are as many guys itching to get hitched to Chain Gang Chelsea. I don’t think you get conjugal visits unless you are married. So, clearly I would have to either convince some loser to marry me, his budding jail-bride, or let myself become the "wife" to "Heavy D" or "Big Mama."