Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Sing Me to Sleep....

Sleep can be a very elusive thing. For as long as I can remember, I have had trouble sleeping. As a child, I dreaded bedtime because I dreaded having to try to sleep. I would lay there and it just wouldn't happen. I remember feeling irritated that the rest of the world must be fast asleep and there I laid wide awake with nothing to do but try to sleep. As I got older, I learned that fighting the insomnia was more aggravating than just succumbing to my awake state. I read, I watch movies, I write. If I am feeling extra ambitious, I might start an organizing or cleaning project. In case you were wondering, no, it's not due to caffeine, as I rarely consume it anymore, and no, it is not always spurred on by anxiety or worry. Sometimes, it is as simple as, I feel awake.

I have long been envious of good sleepers. Don't even get me started on the nappers. How do these people do it? I would love to enjoy the luxury of napping, in the middle of the day, to refresh my mind. Sometimes, I am secretly (or not so secretly) angered by people who have no problem whatsoever falling asleep. I see them, these sleepers, in movie theaters, in cars, on planes. Sometimes these sleepers are my lovers, my friends and I snarl at them. I watch them, sleeping, thinking: "HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY SLEEP WHEN I CAN'T!" Oh well, there are far worse afflictions than chronic insomnia. On the rare occasion that I have one of these uber-restful nights, one where I have fallen asleep effortlessly and remained that way.....it feels like some great reward.

Perhaps Morrissey could sing me to sleep....


1 comment:

gypsydave23 said...

I can relate completely. I've tried every drug for sleep from Benedryll to GHB, all at the same time! NO sleep. So today I just cleaned my living room and sewed some wholes shut in my pants.