Friday, October 2, 2009

Ask Erin!- Anonymous and Brendan


I'm back! Ready to answer more questions.

Question #1 today comes from "Anonymous.": You surely mean for us to give you advice, right?

Dear Anonymous,

I am clearly in need of advice in many areas of my life. However, as I said previously, it is the knowledge I have gained from my many mistakes, that provides me with the tools I need to help others. Perhaps I should also add a Help Erin! section to my blog. Then, you all can help me too. That's so sweet isn't it? If there is some urgent advice you feel you need to give me, by all means- bring it.

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Brendan sent me a whole list of questions. I will answer them now one by one.

1. why do people in LA love hotel parties and hotel pools so much?
That's a good question. Angelenos are often drawn towards shiny objects and reflective surfaces. Hotels provide a lot of both. A hotel pool is clearly a win win. The advanced level of narcissism, that runs through the veins of these ego vampires, propels them toward: Robertson Blvd. between Beverly and 3rd, various Brent Bolthouse events, The Ivy, Mr. Chow, hotel parties, parties at hotel pools. All of the aforementioned spots provide a lot of shiny reflective surfaces. Congregating together, these types can lovingly see themselves reflected in the many mirrors, the pools, the camera lenses and the eyes of those around them.

2. why do people in LA have custom license plates?
This trend has been prevalent in Southern California for quite some time. I believe one of the boom periods for custom license plates occurred in the 80s, when quirky ideas were born from all-night cocaine parties. It is also my personal belief that Beverly Hills, 90210 contributed to the phenomenon- remember Steve Sanders's license plate, I8A 4RE? That was a classic. According to Wikipedia, Virginia is the state with the highest "vanity plate penetration rate," 16.19%! (penetration rate just sounds wrong, or right depending on who you're talking to)

3. why do hipster guys in LA wear tiny cut off denim shorts?
Brendan, I blame this on two trends: the American Apparel aesthetic and The Cobrasnake.

4. why do hipster girls in LA dress like old ladies?
They are hiding their lack of style with intentionally bad style or they just really never got over the end of The Golden Girls, which was, I might add, a solid show.

5. how do i get on LA ink?
First, you need to create a tragedy in your life or just make one up and hire actors: maybe you lost a limb, maybe you lost a lover in a freak bear attack, maybe you were in a coma for 3 years and miraculously came out of it with only minor brain damage....or perhaps you want to memorialize a dead pet, "por vida." Any sort of life changing tragedy that makes someone cry will suffice. As, I said, you can always hire actors to flesh out your fake story. I can help you write the craigslist ad.