Saturday, January 2, 2010

Top Ten from Mr. Brendan Donnelly

Mr. Brendan Donnelly, who has taught us all about the internets, compiled this epic best of '09 list. Thanks B.

Top 10 of 09

10. best cultural movement of 09...the "guidos/guidettes" phenomenon... it's just modern day black face, (but spray tanned to a nice orange glow) and mtv's jersey shore is their televised minstrel show.

9. best memoirs of 09...tracy morgan's "i am the new black" was released on audio book. paul mooney's "black is the new white" was released on hardcover. two of my all time favorite comedians released their memoirs about showbiz and black america for us all to enjoy. still wondering when the right time to release my comedy memoir "i wish i was black: my inner battle with white guilt."

8. best line of 09...."frank" (danny devito's character) on it's always sunny in philadelphia this season had one of the best lines: "when i die, i don't wanna be buried...just toss me in the trash."

7. best christmas story of 09...true story my mom told the family on christmas eve, drunk on red wine. (she has the best stories and philosophies on life. beyond amazing)..." there was this asian guy your dad used to work with and he and his asian wife gave birth to a little baby, but the doctors wouldn't let the baby leave the hospital because it was born with jaundice...the asian your dad worked with said to the doctor "he not have jaundice, he asian!" to which my mom proceeded to laugh and repeat the story over and over for 10 minutes, she kept saying "get it, 'cause they say asians are yellow!"..she then said "brendan, you were born a jaundice baby too...only you not asian, you jaundice baby."

6. best self help tool of blog. it's self help/therapy for me at least. i love that people read my blog and that a few words, stories and pictures make people laugh and can change their day a bit. as corny as it sounds, i've met a lot of awesome and talented people/friends/lovers/haters/writers/artists, all thanks to the internet. that's been a "best of" mine since i started the blog a few years ago. it's nice to get emails from people about how my dumb blog is the only honest thing out there and how it cheers them up or gets them through the day.

5. best experience of 09....the adventures i had over the summer living with a 65 year old ob-gyn and my 65 year old weed smoking uncle. this all happened after i had a somewhat nervous breakdown and left nyc, was having thoughts of suicide, was traveling across america and then had a spiritual awakening in yosemite. to quote 9/11's catch phrase "never forget", i will "never forget" my best living experiences of summer 09.

4. best embarrassing video of 09.....bored one afternoon, i made a video that went viral over the course of a week. it ended up on a cable tv show, it was featured in a british tabloid, featured on numerous websites, parodies are being made of it still and it won top 10 viral videos of 09. huh? i still don't get it. (youtube: "nosferatu dances to lady ga ga". if you haven't seen it yet to know what i'm talking about.)

3. best personal thing to happen to me in 09....adopted a puppy. he saved my sanity, gave me stability and taught me to love something other than the girlfriends i meet on the craigslist "casual encounters" page.

2. best new idea of a little inside joke about living in a men's shelter has become my future'll know what i'm talking about with this one in 2010!!! (note, i did not live in a men's shelter, but whenever more than 3 friends of mine and i live in a house together we call it a shelter because we live like hobos)

1. best end of 09 moment........left a nye party early 'cause i was bored and antisocial (which is rare for me). also had no lover to kiss at 12, so it was pointless for me to be there. i didn't want to spend the evening looking for more parties around town or get stuck in my car on the highway while the ball dropped (spent 3 new years eves in a car on the 101 fighting with my ex) so i decided to head home and eat and play with my dog (and myself) instead. the only food i had in the house was chili. i made a bowl of chili and ate it in bed at 11:50, while watching "its always sunny in philadelphia" reruns on my computer (i don't have a tv). i was yelling at my dog to get away from my last meal and then i started to laugh at how pathetic/comedic the visual of my last minutes of 09 were. fireworks were being set off in the streets and i could hear cheering from all the houses as the new decade rang in. this is how i spent the first minutes of the new decade! 2010 is going to be awesome, i can feel it....then i made a wish, and passed out at 12:12.

Oh and in case you have never seen is the aforementioned video. This is why we all love you Brendan.