Saturday, February 27, 2010

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Ask Erin! - Relationships and Crazies

Good Morning Janks!

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As someone who seems to have attracted alot of crazy people (I am referring to your commenters)- how do you shake it off?

Well, if someone is truly crazy, then I feel sorry for them. What can you do but write it off? There's no use in trying to change a crazy person. If you genuinely care for someone you believe may indeed be crazy, then all you can do is point them in the direction of professional help. Try to be empathetic, after all we have all gone a little crazy, at one time or another. As for my crazy/hateful commenter or commenters- really, the comments are usually so ridiculous that they are laughable. I have only deleted one comment that included a racial slur.
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How do I communicate with an irrational person?

Do we see a theme here? Yes. If someone is irrational, temporarily, then your best bet is to walk away from the conversation until he or she is in a calmer, more rational state. If, however, you are dealing with a chronically irrational person, then you need to remember that at all times. They are irrational! Logic and reason may not get you anywhere with this type of person. Unless you are somehow linked to such a person in an irrevocable way, then eliminate them from your life. Who wants to waste time being friends with or in a relationship with someone who does not operate on any basis of a shared reality? Trust me, it is a waste of time! I know what I am talking about here, as I have wasted a lot of time dealing with irrational people in the past.
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if a guy buys you a plane ticket to meet him in a city in the middle of the two different places you both live and DOESN'T call you in the interim, what would you do?

Well, I need to tell you, I am not a phone person, in terms of talking on the phone. It stresses me out, especially when it's a new beau. I prefer to speak in person. Outside of that, ye olde text message is my preferred route of virtual communication. I think that I am not your typical female when it comes to the phone. I am way more like a dude in that way. Most men share the same loathing for phone calls that I do....which works out well for me, but not so much for the average male-female relationship. So, it would not alarm me at all.

However, I have questions. How long is the interim? How long have you been seeing this dude? Has he text messaged or emailed you? No communication at all would be somewhat alarming....but is he the type that buries himself in work? The real deal here is that maybe this is an indication of his personality and the type of attention he can/will give you in a relationship. You need to decide if you're comfortable with this. It's neither good nor bad if you need/want more- just may be that you are not compatible with your individual needs. One more thought- how far apart are your 2 cities? Do you really want a long distance relationship? I have had my fair share and it's not always fun....just think about it. All of this being said- I am a big proponent of the torrid long-distance affair- hot hot hot and fun fun fun. Keep me posted on how this develops and Good Luck!
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why so sad cupcake?

I'm not sad! I may have a sad day now and again, but I am pretty stoked on life and the future etc etc. Truly is a miracle that I can say/write that and actually mean it!

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which one is better- take her out for a romantic dinner or cook for her? i am not totally confident with my culinary skills but i think i can pull something off.
Honestly, as much as I love a good meal out, cook for her. I love dudes who can cook. And don't make her clean up afterwards....don't let her. If you are nervous about your kitchen skills, do a test run- make a 1/2 sized version of the recipe to make sure you have the hang of it. I swear it really helps knowing you have done it once before. I have only gotten in to cooking in the past few years and the more you do it, the more confident you will be. So practice for friends and then wow the ladies with your mad talent. Also, make sure you know a little bit about her diet and likes/dislikes. I hate salmon (I know, it's good for you, but I just don't like it.) and would be bummed if someone made it for me. So, get that shit sorted out ahead of time. Good luck and let me know how it goes.
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Keep those questions coming and don't forget to send me your crazy dreams for my Ask Erin! dream interpretation extravaganza! Use the formspring box on your right or email me- rarelywrongerin@gmail.com.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I like people.









This morning, RJ (and to be clear to those who don't know me in real life, RJ is one of my bffs, He is NOT my boyfriend, lover, child, or brother....although sometimes I do feel like he is my bastard child) said "I like people." I thought about it for a minute, and said, "That's it!"

It was actually quite an illuminating statement. How much easier would your life be if you decided to have that attitude? I can't count the number of times my friends or myself have uttered the statement- "I hate people." What a counter-intuitive way to approach the world. Are we really going to get very far with that sort of outlook? Now, I know there are annoying people out there. There are people that do awful things. But, in general, I think that people are innately good. They may be ignorant, but inside most people are good. I, for one, am going to be conscious of not letting myself slip into the "I hate people" mantra.

I firmly believe that when I am in the attitude of liking people, not only will I have a better time, brushing off the bad apples, but the path to the things I want is so much clearer and smoother.

As a counter point to the "I like people" morning, I observed a whole different sort of attitude this afternoon at my nail place. I have had a terrible headache, maybe migraine- jury is still out on that, all day, so I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The nail place was pretty empty, only 2 other customers. We will call them Woman #1 and Woman #2.

Woman #1 was reading a magazine while her nails dried and Woman #2 got a phone call during her manicure. Because it was so empty, I overheard part of her conversation. She was talking someone through something, saying things like "It's really going to be okay, no matter what the outcome. You have to just put this morning behind you. Go take a walk and come back for the afternoon and do your best." I was not really paying attention, until Woman #1 suddenly turned and yelled "YOU ARE REALLY DISTURBING ME! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR CONVERSATION! PLEASE STOP TALKING ON THE PHONE!"

The woman on the phone, Woman #2, just looked at her and quietly finished up her conversation. When she was done, she turned to Woman #1 and said, "Excuse me, was I disturbing you? I'm so sorry. Woman #1 snapped back, "YES, I WAS VERY DISTURBED. I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE TALKING ON CELL PHONES. I DONT WANT TO HEAR YOUR CONVERSATION....BLAH BLAH BLAH."

Woman #2 interrupted her tirade, "Well, listen maybe you should think before you speak. My husband died 2 weeks ago, and our daughter is in the middle of taking the Bar exam. She's having a very difficult time with both her father's death and the bar. So maybe you should just get over yourself!!!"

Woman #1 was stunned into silence and left in a huff. After she left, the ladies who own/run the salon told me that she is always bitchy and looking for a fight. I told Woman #2 that she was not being obnoxious on her phone call and that other woman clearly was a miserable person. She was very grateful for the kind words and expressed what a hard time she is having holding it all together right now.

I would venture to guess that the bitchy woman doesn't stop to think about what other people might be going through. I would venture to guess that she does not live by an "I like people" mantra. Anyone who heard the phone call would know there was some sort of distressing situation going on, even without being privy to the backstory. Maybe she has her own trauma going on or maybe she is just not very nice.

The whole point of this rambling post is that I was reminded of something very important today- first by RJ and then by the nail salon incident. I like people. And liking people makes my life a whole lot easier. No matter what negativity I come across in my day, my attitude completely shapes how it affects me. My attitude can perpetuate more negativity to more people or it can diffuse it. I don't want to be the asshole yelling at a stranger. I am grateful that I know who I don't want to be.