Friday, February 19, 2010

Ask Erin! Friiiiiizzzzzzzdayyyyy

Oh, I have a lot of Ask Erin! questions to catch up on, so let's get some done today.


Do you think a vow of celibacy is in order? I find that I am having more one night stands than I care to count. Really all I want is to find the one. I just feel like I have turned into a slut. blah

Here's the deal. There is nothing wrong with a one-night stand, as long as you use a condom and you are okay with it, emotionally. It sounds like you may be looking for love in sex and they are two very different things. But no need to call yourself a slut. First thing you need to do is to really figure out what you want. Write it down, be as specific as possible. If what you want is a long-term relationship, then that is what you need to focus on. You're probably not going to find the love of your life in a one-night stand, but you never know! As far as celibacy, that's pretty extreme. But again, if love is what you want and you find it difficult to compartmentalize sex and love, then yeah you should wait for a real relationship.

tell me a joke

I have a fantastic memory for everything except joke-telling! I know one joke. It is the same joke I have had under my belt for years. You ready?

A bear walks into a bar in Bozeman, Montana. He walks up to the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a beer." The bartender says, "We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Bozeman." The bear says, "Bartender, come on, give me a beer!" The bartender says, "We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Bozeman." The bear leans over the bar and says, "LISTEN, if you don't give me a beer, I'm gonna, I'm gonna maul that woman over there at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I told you, we don't serve beers to bears in bars in Bozeman." The bear then attacks the woman, eats her up. Panting, the bear approaches again and says, "Now, give me a beer!" The bartender says, "We don't serve beers to drug-addicted bears in bars in Bozeman." The bear says, "What?????? Drug- addicted?" The bartender says, "Well, wasn't that a bar-bitch-you-ate?"

Get it? Are you keeled over in laughter? I know. I know. I swear I am actually funny. I just have no knack for jokes.

Hi, I need help. I have a good guy friend, who I know wants more, and I just want to be friends. How do I address the issue without making him feel bad or possibly ruining our friendship? Thanks

You just need to be honest. Kind, but honest. Don't make a big deal about it, but when you are together, in person, let him know what the friendship means to you. If his romantic overtures are more obvious, then you can address the issue more directly. No need to lead him on. You can be clear that you do not have romantic feelings without being mean. You can't control his reactions, but if he is truly your friend, he will understand and appreciate where you are coming from. Unfortunately, sometimes people can';t handle being friends with someone they want more than friendship from. It may take a little time, but these things have a way of working themselves out, eventually.


Dear Rarely Wrong Erin,
I just got out of a two year relationship, which ended very amicably. No deceit, just two people who's lives can't handle a relationship. Although it's the right choice the pain is heart stopping. How do I move on?

Well, you may have to feel the pain for a bit. I watched the movie Ordinary People recently and there is a line in it that really moved me..."If you can't feel pain, you can't feel anything else." It's a good sign that you feel the pain, it means that you will grieve the end of the relationship. Trust me. When I've avoided feeling the pain- through drugs or shopping or sex or travel or whatever means I used- it always came back to haunt me. It's better to just get through it now. You need to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Treat yourself to a massage, go bowling with some friends, take some yoga, start running. Exercise releases endorphins and endorphins help, a lot. As tempting as it is to get drunk and fuck someone new, it probably will not serve you well long-term. Hang in there, I promise it will get easier and easier. That is certain.

Ladies and gents, I gotta run. I promise to catch up some more on all of your entertaining questions! If you have a question, really about anything at all, use that formspring box on the right or email me-



Anonymous said...

That joke is pretty lame.

brendan donnelly said...

that joke was awesome!