Monday, April 19, 2010

Ask Erin! An important question.

Keeping with the one question at a time format...it's a heavy one.

I am currently in a relationship that is no longer working. I really love this person but his past addiction behavior, and current drinking are not conducive to my lifestyle.He constantly tries to make me feel guilty because I can't earn an income in my current state.  I am 6 months pregnant, and am very scared to do this alone. I think I have been trying to make this work out of fear of being abandoned. I want to work this out, but is it even possible? Should I just suck it up and move on?

xoxo



Oh boy, this is an important question. I hate to say this, but get out. Chances are, he's not going to change. This is not about you anymore, you have a baby to think of, first and foremost. As much as we would like him to be a man, to step up to the plate, and be the partner and father he should, it doesn't sound like he is or will. It is scary to do it alone, but it is far scarier to be doing this with someone who will only drag you down. I speak from personal experience on this one. 


I would venture to guess you are not alone. Perhaps family and friends can be the "village." You want good, positive role models for your child. It doesn't sound like this guy is. You need to set boundaries now. Setting boundaries is part of being a good parent. I know how hard it is to let go, especially when that person is tied to you through a child, but I also know I could have saved myself a lot of time and pain, had I set my boundaries earlier. 


You mention that you have been trying to make it work out of fear of being abandoned. It sounds like he already has abandoned you, at least emotionally. You have the power, not to be abandoned, but to leave. You deserve a healthy, happy relationship, and your child deserves healthy, happy role modeling. 


Lean on those around you who offer love and support. The best case scenario is that your action, your boundary setting, provokes the baby daddy into getting his shit together and being a real man. And if he doesn't, you will still be okay. Focus on your health and the baby and keep me posted. 


Love,
Erin

If you have a question for me, about anything at all, utilize the formspring box on your right or email me. xo

1 comment:

cougs said...

you're absolutely wonderful.