Hi Erin. I started typing this in the formspring box on your blog but the question is so long, I could only see a word or two at a time (how janky!) and that just wasn't working for me! So here goes...
I am married to a really nice guy who would do anything for me, I have a "good" stable job, a lovely little house, swell friends and yet somehow I feel as if I'm missing out on something... inside I am sad and lonely and never satisfied, and I'm constantly looking for more. At times I feel like screaming and running away from this life- as fast as I can- without ever looking back. I have a history of doing that, but this time I feel like there's too much at stake- have you been there? Any advice? I feel lost and I'm pretty sure my soul is drowning her e...
I can relate all too well. I have been there, many many times. The restlessness takes over and turns to emotional isolation. The thing is, that sadness, that loneliness, isn't going to disappear when you run away. Trust me. I've done it. There are all sorts of ways to run: breaking up, quitting, moving, cheating, drugs, spending, working. In the end, what you're really looking for is in you.
It sounds like you do have a lot at stake. So, maybe you need to meditate on a few questions. First, you are married to a great guy, but are you in love with him? If you don't have kids and your heart is not in it anymore, it's not fair to either one of you to be dishonest about what you feel.
My intuition tells me that maybe you're not really doing what your heart desires, not in terms of your husband, but in terms of your life's passion. Is there something that burns within you, that you're scared to do? Do it. Life is shorter than we think. Write, sing, run a marathon, go to law school....whatever it is, do it.
I feel like that is usually where dissatisfaction lies, in us, because we are not doing what we yearn to do. You can absolutely create the life you want, but first you need to get clear about what you want. I hope this helps. Keep me updated and hang in there.
Do you have a day job? If so, what is it and how do you find time in your day to write?
I am fortunate enough to work from home. Part of my time is absorbed with investment properties. I also work on freelance projects. The remainder of my time is spent with school, writing and being a single mom. Although I don't have a traditional 9-5 gig, my life is very full and requires a lot of juggling. Insomnia often affords me more time to write!
I don't know how to break up with my boyfriend. He's my best friend. We've been together for 4 years and while we have fun together, I don't think I have romantic love for him any more. I love him more like a brother. Am I just restless? I'm 26 and I still want to go live my life, see the world. I'm not sure I want to do that with him, but I am also really scared.
As much as you may love him, as you said- like a brother, you need to let him go. It's not fair to either one of you. He deserves to be in a relationship with someone who has romantic love for him, just as you deserve that. Sadly, sometimes letting go is painful, but prolonging it will be worse. You're 26. Go, see the world now. Let him go.
I have a lot more great questions to answer, so more tomorrow. In the meantime, keep them coming! You can use the formspring box on your right or email me. I will keep your question anonymous, unless you say otherwise.