Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Ask Erin! It's hump day. I'm gonna answer some questions.

I know, once again, I am wayyy behind on Ask Erin! questions. Life sometimes gets in the way of the blog. So, clearly I can answer any questions, as long as they do not involve time management. Without further ado.....

i want a divorce and my husband doesn't. he thinks he can make me love him. i refuse to go to couples therapy. i have felt this way for a long time. i'm repulsed by him actually. i don't think you can fix that. what should i do?

Sadly, I think you need to file for divorce. Couples therapy will only work if you have a desire to be with him. He's not going to make you fall in love with him. It's one thing to work on things if the love is there, but once the love is gone, you're really just holding on to memories. 

It's hard to let go, but you are hurting him more by staying when you know that leaving is inevitable. I have been there- feeling repulsed by someone you once loved. It's not good, and it has been my experience that the repulsion does not magically reverse. 

You owe it to yourself, and to the man you once loved enough to marry, to sever your ties and move forward. When I was going through my divorce, the best advice I got was this- "You only have to go through this once." (I feel like I am often telling people to get out of bad relationships on here! I swear I am not a total cynic. Love is grand, but why suffer? Life's too short.)

Cat people, please avert your eyes. To say I am not a cat person is to put things mildly. I don't like cats. They're pushy and they don't care about pleasing you in any way. They have stinky litter boxes and shed tiny little sticky hairs that glob on to every surface. Also, I am allergic to some of them. That being said, I have met the occasional cool cat. I have dear friends who love their cats, and I respect that. But, I am just not a cat person. It is potentially even a deal breaker for me with guys. 

Dogs are awesome. Sure they have some flaws too, but at the end of the day, they want you to be happy. Cats could care less! 

Speaking of dogs, have you met my dog, Pretty Lady? No, I didn't name her, but really the name suits her. 

Ok, so most people lose their virginity a little earlier but I have friends that lost it in their twenties. I think, at your age, you can't look at it as being this big deal, this looming event. At the end of the day, it's just sex. 

I don't meant to devalue making love, but sex and love do not need to go hand in hand....unless you are gonna go down the saving it for marriage religious path. Maybe you have a friend you can do it with, someone who will be safe enough without having the heart so entwined. I actually think it's better for your first time to be with someone you do not have big romantic hearts in your eyes for. 

Maybe you can ease into it with someone....move through the bases, ease into it. And don't over think things! It's just sex and you won't be a big whore just because you sleep with someone you don't want to marry. 

Keep me posted on your progress. 

I can't believe I am actually going to answer this one. I like the following flowers in no particular order- Casablanca Lily, Tuberose, Hydrangea, Gardenia, Rose. My favorite flower color is white. Feel free to send me any and all of the above.

Alright skanks and janks, keep sending questions. I will answer some more tomorrow. You can email me or use the formspring box on your right. 

1 comment:

Lara said...

Aww! Pretty Lady is such a cutie, and you're right, the name really does suit her!

I'm with you on the white flowers, too... my bridal bouquet was full of open peonies (so luscious and fragrant!) I know that wasn't on your list of flowers -- I'm just sayin'!

Anyway... miss you loads and hope to connect face-to-face soon!!!