I accidentally read my boyfriends email last night. He has been flirting with a girl, a friend of his, on facebook. I am livid, but I don't know if I should confront him since I was sort of snooping. (he had checked his email on my computer)
Dear A.E., I recently went to log on to my significant other's computer and their mail was open. Curiosity got the better of me and I peaked. I found a correspondence between them and an ex who lives abroad reminiscing about their sex lives. What do I do?
Ok, these two situations are not identical. Let's talk about the first one.
I am not sure what you mean by flirting. Was it really flirting? Or might you be reading too much into it? As I have always said, if you open that door, to snooping, you have to be prepared for what you might find. I find that snooping rarely leads to anything good, for the snooper or the snoop-ee.
Now, rather than "confronting" him, I think you need to just tell him the truth. I find that holding that shit in will only damage the trust even further. So, you fucked up. An argument could be given that he wanted you to find it by leaving it open on your computer or that it means nothing since it was left out in the open. Either way, have a calm, sane, adult discussion. Better to live in the truth and learn to trust each other.
Now, on to the second question. Your snooping was a little more intense, in that you were on their computer, not yours. There is a level of trust letting someone use your computer, that they won't go snooping around. On some level, I am sure everyone has something, somewhere on their computer, that could be embarrassing or misleading. So, you broke a little trust there on your end.
However, it would sketch a lot of people out to see their significant other taking a walk down sexcapade lane with their ex. I am sure it is ultimately harmless, especially with the ex living in another country, but I do think it needs to be addressed.
As I advised for the first questioner, you need to approach this with a calm discussion. You need to own up to your part, the snooping, and talk to them about what is going on. It's really the only way you are going to form trust again.
And a general note to both questioners, there must have been a seed of distrust already in place that prompted you both to peek at the emails. Intuition? Maybe. Talk it out peeps. Be honest. You can't expect your partner to be honest if you are not willing to be.
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