Thursday, October 31, 2013

It's all my fault. I've ruined everything.

Alright, what's up this week? After the sad news on Sunday that Lou Reed died, I was ready to start fresh on Monday. But, EVERYTHING feels off. I can't seem to complete anything, my internet keeps slowing down or cutting out (Thanks, Mercury Retrograde!), and I am attracting all the crazies (Thanks, New York City!). 

A list of highlights...

1. Guilty as charged. Crazy man on 10th Avenue walks up and screams in my face, "It's all your fault. You've ruined everything!!" Yes, sir, yes it is. Yes I have.

2. I feel you Aforementioned internet problems have slowed down my already slow work process this week. To everyone waiting for a rewrite, a revision, a first draft, an email, a phone call, a "like," I apologize. As the astute stranger mentioned above, I have indeed ruined everything and it is all my fault. 

3. Cab ride from olfactory hell. Have you ever sat in a cab that smelled so badly- with a combination of body odor, vomit, farts, bad breath, and curry- that you had to ride all the way downtown with your head out the window, then spend the rest of the day phantom smelling the same smell and worrying that it stuck to you? Yes, yes I have. 

4. Conversations with the crotch toucher. Waiting for a bus that seemed hell bent on never coming, a man struck up a conversation. He seemed normal-ish, but then I realized that his pants were sort of falling down and he was sort of pulling them up by putting his hand down the front of them and moving his junk around. Literally, backed against a wall, I tried to keep ending the small talk in a polite way and finally lunged for the curb when I saw an available cab. So much for trying to break my addiction to taxi cabs/this is why I love Uber/this is why taking the bus sucks.  

5. All the other crazies. In addition to the lovely strangers mentioned in list points #1 and #4, I have had the pleasure of encountering the following in the past 3 days:

  • Woman screaming at the wall and then walking into traffic in front of me, almost getting hit by taxi, which I can only assume was the same taxi from #3
  • 3 public pissers
  • Dog park Miss LonelyHeart who couldn't wait to talk to me about her ex-boyfriend.
  • Internet stalker who regularly emails me to tell me how slutty/stupid/lame/narcissistic/unimportant I am. (Shoutout! What what!!!)
  • Mother at ballet who cornered me and told me every depressing detail of her life. I don't know her name but I know her ex-husband tried to poison her, her car broke down, she got a ticket and cried, and she regularly fights with her sisters. 

I'm done complaining now- BUT THIS ALL HAPPENED IN 3 DAYS. 3 DAYS. (Maybe the first guy put a curse on me for ruining everything?)

How's your week going? 

PS. Happy Halloween!

PPS. You're entitled to a good scare

PPPS. That one time my kid called me out for wearing "skimpy funeral clothes" in a graveyard. 


roseyroseyrosey said...

What a week! Mercury retrograde is messing everyone up. It's almost over!

philip said...

At least your week made for good stories.