Monday, October 14, 2013

Serves Me Right

AKA, "What an asshole."

So, last week I received my long-awaited iPhone 5s (in gold, duh.). It is entirely stupid how excited I was about this. It took my 2 days to take it out of the box (I guess I'm a fan of delayed gratification.), and truthfully I waited until I had a case (clear, so you can see the gold, duh.) because I have a not-so-rare disease that causes me to drop my iPhone an average of 46 times per day. 

I make asshole move number one- I post a photo of said new phone, in the box, on Instagram- gleefully expressing my excitement, aware of my own ridiculousness, but unable to stop myself. 

Friday night. 7 PM. I take it out of the box. I follow the activation instructions. The pinwheel is turning and I get this message-

Your iPhone could not be activated because the activation server is temporarily unavailable. Try connecting your iPhone to iTunes to activate it, or try again in a couple of minutes.If this problem persists, contact Apple Support at

I follow instructions. Nothing. I try again. Nothing. I spend an hour on Apple Support chat. Nothing. I spend an hour on the phone with Apple Support. Nothing. I am told to make a Genius Bar appointment, but they will likely not have any gold replacement phones. (Of course, because I am the asshole that had to get the gold one.) I call At&t to reactivate my old phone and the overly cheerful representative, "Katie" (bitch,I know that's not your real name) informs me that they cannot reactivate an old phone once it has been deactivated, which makes no sense to me. 

Friday night. 9:45 PM. I call the 24 hour store- the one on 5th Avenue. I am told the next available genius bar appointment is 2:30 AM. I want to cry, aware of my own ridiculousness, but unable to stop myself. The woman on the phone talks to her manager. I am told to come in and ask for her manager, my guardian angel, Susie. 

10:15 PM I arrive to the bright frenetic glowing behemoth- the 5th Avenue Apple store. Employee Peter is at the bottom of the stairs. I ask him to show me to his leader, Susie. He disappears behind the employee door. A few minutes later, he emerges with Susie. She assures me it's all gonna be okay. She tells me that "Katie" is an idiot. Susie has sim cards. One for my new phone and one for my old phone, "just in case." 

To make this very long portion of the story a little shorter, I will tell you that Peter and Susie and Genius Bar genius, Kato, finally got my new phone working, after many boring twists and turns. It was while at the Genius Bar that I made asshole move number two- I took and posted another photo, documenting my new iPhone 5s woes, aware of my own ridiculousness, but unable to 
stop myself. 

I exit the bright frenetic glowing behemoth- victorious. I return home, ready to begin my new life. 

1 AM. I'm getting ready for bed. I plug my phone in. I see that it is no longer connected to a network. I restart my phone, I put it in "airplane mode" and back again. Failure. 

By the next day at noon, when I am back at the Genius Bar, I am painfully aware of my own ridiculousness, and totally able to stop myself. I post no photos. I get a new gold iPhone 5s. 

I would now like to apologize for being such an asshole, leading you through an entirely uninteresting and self-involved story about nothing that is important. I am aware of my own ridiculousness, but unable to stop myself. Clearly, I am willing to embarrass myself, publicly. 

P.S. The one redeeming fact from this long boring recount- the customer service at the 5th Avenue Apple Store- Peter, Susie, Kato, unknown  store employee on the phone, and Genius Bar genius (whose name I can't remember) that whisked me to the front of the line and exchanged my phone on Saturday- they were amazing. They were kind. They took pity on me despite my ridiculousness. 


Lisa Simmons said...

your ridiculousness is understood by much of the apple-loving population. we forgive you. we love you.

and now, i want the fucking gold 5s, too.

erin said...

Lisa, it's pretty, pretty, pretty sweet!