Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Somebody That I Used to Know

It's been 10 years ago (yesterday) since Elliott Smith died. Fuck. 

Typing that, my heart hurts. 

More than 12 years ago, Elliott and I were both "vacationing" at the same treatment facility. Rick James was there, as well. And, they're both dead. Somehow, I stayed alive. Somehow, I broke off that merry-go-round of sadness and self loathing and despair and I learned how to live.  

You know those things that you haven't thought about in awhile, they kind of lose their sharpness and then something pops up to remind you, like a 10 year death anniversary, and it all comes rushing back through you, and it stings. 

As a junkie, I've had to say goodbye to scores of people I've met/known/liked/loved over the years. When I make a mental list in my mind, it never ends. How can I begin to quantify all of that death? 

These people, some of them famous, some of them not, most of them talented, most of them leaving gaping holes behind in the threads that bind us, they were here. Their absence is unending. I guess that's the thing about death. 

I hope and I choose to believe that we go on, that we leave these bodies, these shells, behind us here, and move on a current, a current whose presence is also unending.  

Worth a read: Keep The Things You Forgot: An Elliott Smith Oral 

Some of my favorite E.S. songs...

For Elliott and Rick, Tanya, Rodney, Scott, Mike S., the other Mike S., Kim, Dylan, JJ, Pruett, Michael, Kurt, Jennifer, Shelly, Darcy, Kevin, and the unending list that is too painful to write....I hope you're at peace on the unending current of life. 


Anonymous said...

Nice post. I can't believe it's been 10 years.

philip said...

The best songs. Dude is missed.

zanimal said...

Really beautiful Erin!
Elliott forever.

erin said...


Anonymous said...

yawn. get over it.