Friday, November 21, 2014

Friday Suggestions: To Get You Through the Week of the Turkey


It's Friday, next week is Thanksgiving. Here are some suggestions. 












Wait, why aren't you already listening to this? Go, now, here, and listen. You have to start with Episode One. You will be hooked and live in eager anticipation of Thursdays, when new episodes drop. You're welcome. 







The crazy original Grimm's tales. (which can be yours)








This video




This video, too. 

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Ask Erin and Lisa!: "Pretty Woman," The Needy Lady, and Mr. Cling


We're back!!




Erin: Hey Lisa, how’s the first polar plunge/arctic express of the season treating you? 

Lisa: Um, actually I’m about to head to Lululemon to get some new running pants and this weather is perfect for shopping. 

Erin: You do you. Well, all I know is that no matter what I’m doing today, I am for sure freezing my ass off. Anyway, we’ve got problems to solve….





Q. 

Should I tell him?

My bf and I broke up about a month ago. Earlier this week I had a one night stand with a guy I knew for about 3 weeks. We used a condom, we didn't even kiss or have oral sex. Now I am back with my bf and we don't use protection. I don't know what to do. I practiced safe sex and just to be on the safe side I'm going to get tested Monday. Should I tell my bf about my one night stand or should I not mention unless I find out I have something. Thank you for your advice in advance.

A.

Lisa: Well, I haven’t been laid in a month…so mazel tov to that. IF YOU’RE BROKEN UP, YOU DON’T NEED TO TELL YOUR BF ANYTHING. REPEAT, DON’T FUCKING SAY A WORD. 

Erin: Yeah, you were broken up and you practiced safe sex, so I don’t think you should bring it up. If he asks, you absolutely need to be honest. (Who knows? He may have also had a one night stand while you were broken up.) 

Lisa: You didn’t even kiss the guy you had a one night stand with? Impressive!

Erin: It’s like Julia Roberts, in Pretty Woman









Q.

Blah I have a sick feeling after what I call being stood up. This guy asked me out. He was an old friend from high school, that I knew and might have dated a few years ago had I not been in love with another guy. So he calls me Tuesday night, and asks if I would like to do something Friday when he got off work. I said sure, and asked if he would like to come to my house for pizza, and talk and catch up. Kind of like a reacquaintance get together. Nothing serious, just a casual evening with an old friend. He said that sounded great to him, and he seemed excited about getting together . He was to come over tonight after he went home and showered and changed clothes. 
He calls me after he got off work, and says to me as follows: 

" I can't come over tonight. Some friends and I are going to the lake tomorrow and I have things to do to get ready for that." 

I was speechless, and the only thing I could muster at the moment was a surprised " ohh ? "  

At which point he says to me . "well if it rains tomorrow and my friends and I can't go to the lake, I will give you a call." 

The only thing I could say was , "Ok, and you have a good evening, bye bye" 

I didn't ask any questions as to WHY can't you come on over for a little while, or try to persuade anything. He was the one that had been asking me out. I was excited that I was going to get a chance to re-aquaint, and just have a fun evening talking. 
This made me get a totally sick feeling when he backed on on me. Just like a young school girl getting stood up by a date. I guess thats kind of weird coming from a 38 yr old woman. I guess its not actually being stood up, since he did at least call. I guess you would just call it cancelling the date. 
I just felt it was quite insensitive of him to back out on our getting together at the last minute. It made me feel like his trip to the lake tomorrow was the priority, and getting his fishing gear together. He only wants to get together tomorrow if it rains them out from the lake trip. Am I over reacting? Should I get together with him tomorrow if his lake trip is cancelled? I tend to want to just say forget it and not bother with it. It felt like he totally " took the wind out of my sail. Thoughts and comments would be appreciated.

A.

Erin: 

Dear Lake Dude, 

RUN, RUN, RUN. 

Dear Needy Lady, 

This was a casual get together. You called it that. If you are this hung up on his behavior before you’ve even had a “get-together” then he is really not the guy for you. Your expectations are way too high. It is not even clear to me if this guy wanted to hang as friends or for dating/sex. Although, many could argue that no straight man is calling to hang out on a Friday night at your house for friendship. 

Lisa: I agree with Erin. It sounds like your expectations were way our of whack on this one. I obviously don’t know too much because I am still single etc., but here’s what I do know- if a guy wants to see you, he will fly to the goddamn moon, if that’s where you are. So, you were right about not being a priority, you aren’t one. Don’t answer if this asshole calls you again. 

Erin: Well, to be fair, we don’t really know if he’s an asshole. You haven’t even been on one date yet, and that’s a lot of pressure for something so casual. 





Q.


Me and my GF have been together for nearly two months, and she just doesn't seem bothered to meet up with me anymore. We used to work together so meeting up wasn't a problem, we used to wait around until our shifts finish, go for a drink or a movie.

I told her that I was worried we wouldn't see each other when she left, but she always assured me that we would.

Anyway, it's only our first week since she left and when will I be seeing her next? Maybe friday if she isn't too hungover from going out with her friends the night before. Now, sure I accept the fact she's going out with friends, that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the fact that she appears to be totally uninterested in spending time with me.

It's weird because right after we see each other, she sends me sweet messages about how she had a fantastic time, she misses me already etc. I've even asked her if she wants a bit of space, but she says no.

And something I've noticed over the last week or so, she barely can be bothered to text me anymore. This morning I messaged to tell her that I wasn't feeling good so I couldn't go to work. She didn't even reply. She doesn't reply unless she's got something to ask, and even in her replies, she's being really blunt with me.

Am I reading too much into this? I really don't want to become a boyfriend of convenience.

A. 

Lisa: She ain’t that into you anymore. Like i told our friend who got stood up in our previous question, in my experience, if someone wants to be with you/see you/spend time with you, they will. I once (ok, recently) had a guy that I didn’t even know that well fly all the way from Switzerland to the states to see me. get it? 

Erin: I disagree. first of all, we don’t know what the new job is and what her current responsibilities are. Maybe she can’t look at her phone all day, and when she can her messages have to be brief. Because she’s busy. Because she has a life, outside of you, which is healthy. Second, this is 1 week out you said, slow down on the paranoia. If this continues, then you can calmly express yourself, without sounding like a needy dude. Maybe, we can hook you up with the lady from the previous question? 

Lisa: I disagree with everything Erin said. She’s pulling the fade. You’ve been warned. 

Erin: I don’t know, these people and their demands give me anxiety. 






Have a burning question about love, dating, or pizza? Use the form on the top right of the page. We will answer all questions (eventually) and with (some) care. As always, your anonymity is golden. Until next time....xoxo


Friday, October 31, 2014

A Few of My Favorite Things 10.31.14




It's been a sad week, a strange week, and a week in which a few of my favorite things (some made by friends) got me through...





This, by this guy.






This video.




This podcast, by some pretty rad dudes. 






And lastly, this week, we said goodbye. 
This photo, and these too, by Ben Grieme

A la prochaine, mon ami. 

Thursday, October 16, 2014

A Few of My Favorite Things 10.16.14


Although it's been a busy week, there's always time for a few of my favorite things...



This show, although the trailer doesn't do it justice. 
(P.S., it's on Amazon Prime. Stop sleeping and get on that.) 





(I wish I was this crafty/had this house.)



These girls, again. Yes. 




(My birthday is just a over a month away, FYI.)




This book, which you can buy here, because you should probably be in therapy anyway.




This song, because you should listen to another something new this weekend. 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Ask Erin and Lisa!: The Irish Pen Pal, Rich Girl/Poor Girl, and Oops He's Married

Y’all ready for this? 





Erin: Hey LisaLisa, how’s your October going? 

Lisa: slow and steady wins the race, erin. 

Erin: OK then! Let’s answer these questions, because we’ve got a couple long ones. 

Lisa: ok bitch, let’s get to it. 





Q. 

Hello I'm female age 29. I met a guy online (okcupid). I messaged him first because I'd seen him on my visitors list quite a few times and no I don't have provocative pic or anything like that. I messaged him and we've talked on the phone, texted/IM every day since and that was three months ago. He's funny, charming, caring, educated, goal oriented, and a good listener.

He lives in Ireland, age 28 with parents, works as an engineer and he's not so experienced with romantic relationships, but I am having second doubts about him because initially he came on strong but I wanted to take things slow and he agreed. He woos me with his charm and great sense of humor. A month into I let him know that I liked him (mind you he always told me how much he liked me etc and that he had plans to visit America). Something happened because he cooled off from chatting to me after I told him my feelings. He began to text/message less. I asked if he was okay and if he started talking to someone else, he said no. We get some things straightened out and he asked me what I would like for us to be and I told him that I wasn't sure and it was still early but I like him and he agreed too saying he didn't know what he wanted.

I still sense that he is apprehensive about us because we don't communicate as much and I find him to be somewhat secretive about his life. I asked him a couple of weeks ago where this was going and he said that he's not sure but that he likes me and enjoy getting to know me. That's fine but I feel like we're moving at a snail’s pace. I'd like to know more about his life although he seems normal enough but you never know.

He works at a temp job for his company and won't find out if he goes back to being permanent until December and that's when he'll know/start planning his trip to America. I'm afraid of getting my heart broken and wasting my time getting to know him when he is probably looking for an online buddy. We still text/IM everyday and he phones once a week. I've never called him because I don't feel comfortable.

I've sensed another change in him lately like he's been a little more sensitive and even accused me of making fun of him when sick and he offered to buy me music although international tax isn't cheap. We have been communicating a lot more recently but I'm still scared of getting hurt. He tells me that I over think things too much and not to worry and to trust him.

I like him and I'm worrying if I should wait it out for the December decision on his job? He no longer writes me erotica and he's a great writer and this has me wondering if he's writing it to someone else too and he's stopped talking romantically to me (weeks ago), would this be a red flag too? My first and last relationship lasted eight years and I broke up with late last year for cheating. I'm not that experienced in this. Am I being paranoid? Do you think he's going slow(I really don't mind) because of his inexperience and cultural differences?
Thank you

A.

Lisa: um, okay, um, okay, OMG. a budding/new relationship is hard no matter what, but sister, you met this guy on okstupid, he lives across an ocean, and he’s pulling back a bit. i’m sure he’s cute and educated and all that, but seriously, can’t you find someone in your own zip code to obsess over? 

Erin: I am so exhausted by your weird cyber relationship/non-relationship, I barely have the strength to answer these questions. Yes, you are wasting your time. Yes, there are many red flags. I have no idea if he is “cheating” or writing erotica to other women he has met online. It’s irrelevant why he’s acting the way he is acting. But, girlfriend, please date in the real world, and move on from your pen pal. 

Lisa: YOU DON’T KNOW THIS PERSON! YOU’VE NEVER MET HIM! HE IS A FANTASY. if he actually comes to see you, great. in the meantime, focus on something other than a “relationship” that isn’t real. 

Erin: Lastly, I will never understand the correlation you made in this sentence: “I've sensed another change in him lately like he's been a little more sensitive and even accused me of making fun of him when sick and he offered to buy me music although international tax isn't cheap.” Good luck! 





Q.

This might be an unusual question, but have you ever had friends who just seemed to drag down your self esteem?

I am friends with two gals -- a rich gal and a poor gal, and needless to say being the middle class girl that I am, I just feel like I really don't fit in with either one of them!!

When I hang out with the rich gal I feel inferior-- especially when I listen to her talk about her Gucci handbags or her new Mercedes, or a piece of expensive jewelry her husband bought for her birthday, etc.

My rich friend always says she likes people no matter what their background or wealth, but judging by the way she brags, I almost feel like she is deliberately making me feel worthless or inferior!!

She also pissed me off big time one day when I met her for lunch and she saw that I was wearing a long, very nice looking leather coat. She could not take her eyes off it, but instead of paying me any compliments about it, she said: "See? You CAN look good when you want to."

What the hell is that supposed to mean???

Anyway when I hang out with my other friend, the poor chick, I feel disgusted by her red neck/white trash ways and I begin to feel that by hanging out with her, it sort of makes me de-facto white trash too.

For example, my Red neck/White trash friend will talk about her latest tattoos. In her family, anytime somebody is born or somebody dies, the family members all get a tattoo to remember the date-- like how redneck is that????

Also... one time I visited her at the trailer park in which she lives. If seeing the run down trailers and the cars up on cement blocks was not bad enough, it was when I met her sister and her husband and saw that they were both missing their front teeth, that I thought: "OMG!! What the hell am I doing here, socializing with these people???? These people need to be on Jerry Springer!!"

Anyway... have you ever been friends with someone of a different socio-economic class than yourself?

If so how did you handle it?

I really do like both of my friends but I just feel like total crap sometimes when I hang out with either one of them.



A.

Erin: First of all, you yourself are pretty damn judge-y of your friends. You paint a pretty bleak picture of both of them. Maybe to your “rich friend” you act or dress “white trash.” And maybe, to your “poor friend” you act like a “rich gal.” They both sound awful according to your descriptions, so either they really are and you should get new friends or you are a judgmental bitch. I have friends from all socioeconomic backgrounds and I don’t really think about it. I have friends that are into different things than I am, and I guess I never relate it to how they grew up or how much money they have. 

Lisa: wow, do you ever hang out with them together? now that would be some jerry springer shit. i grew up in the deep south, so i understand the poor people no teeth thing. i also understand the rich people scenario and i have several gucci purses. anyway, you can be friends with whomever you want, no matter what their socioeconomic status, but what are you actually gaining by being friends with them? if you feel like “crap” it’s a sign that something’s not right. maybe you’ve just outgrown both of them? pull the hard fade with both these bitches and find new friends with people who are more on your level. 

Erin: I’m still trying to figure out if Jerry Springer is still on the air…






Q.

My exboyfriend cheated on me with this woman, then we separated but stayed in contact in all ways even intimately, i didn't know him and her were together and they just got married. We had sex 2 weeks before the wedding. Do I tell her?


A.

Lisa: tell her what? that her new husband is a skank-ass motherfucker? no, stay out of it. 

Erin: I agree. Stay out of this mess. And stop all contact, including intimate contact. They deserve each other, assuming she knew he was with someone else when they first hooked up. 





Phew, we did it. Another round of questions in the bag. Don’t shoot the messengers! If you have a question for us, use the form on the top right of the page. We will answer all questions (eventually) and with (some) care. As always, your anonymity is golden. 

xoxo

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Knowing When and How to Act Your Age



A couple of days ago, I had a conversation with a friend about learning to act one's age. Let's be real, we all struggle with this. OK, I struggle with this. (And honestly, you probably do, too.) There are times when the 13 year old inside of me rears her self-centered head and I have to send her to her room. But, for the most part, I've learned to leave that crap behind me, so when I see it around me, in grown adults, in their 30s and 40s, I want to shake the adolescent bravado right out of them. 

Growing up is tricky. We are inundated with a drive towards staying young in all forms of media. And it's attractive! We all want to hang on to that fleeting time period when we had the freedom to do what we wanted to, with little to no responsibility or sense of future, other than the future was limitless. Right? (Or, the future seemed scary and we didn't want to glance in that direction. Either way, those mercurial days are yearned for.) 


Why do you think I love all things 90s? We probably all cling to the era in which we came of age.  And, it's good to maintain a youthful spirit, to hang on to that energy, to keep living life as if the future is limitless. 


On the flip side of that, maybe grow up a little. If you are at the point in your life that you might want to experience things like a long-term healthy relationship, or owning a home, or having a kid, or actually following your passion, or (gasp) making a difference, you kind of have to grow up, at least a little. 

Yes, take care of yourself, exercise, strive to look your best, and have fun. But, throwing tantrums in bars, or having random sex without a condom, or doing cocaine in a bathroom at 2 AM, or not paying your taxes because fuck the man, or rejecting any and all adult responsibilities because you think if you look cute and play dumb you'll get your way.... is lame. 

And it's not a good look. And you're too old for this. And you can still have fun and be sexy and feel young without acting like you're Peter Pan or Lolita when you're 40. Because that is not so cute. Seriously. Even at 30, not so cute. (Late 20s, you're pushing it.) 

So my unsolicited advice for the day is to stop acting like a teenager. You're not one.  You would never have hung out with the you now in high school anyway. 

xoxo

PS. Since Halloween is coming....


(If you look into the world of "couples costumes" you can find, well not hours, but maybe 20 minutes of good entertainment.)



Thursday, September 25, 2014

A Few of My Favorite Things 9.25.14

This week, these are a few of my favorite things



Got tickets for this, and pretty stoked about it. 












Books like this, on this list, courtesy of this rad site.  What year is it?






In a perfect world, I'd be sleeping on Matteo linen bedding, every night. 





(Which you can buy me here.)


P.S. Happy New Year!