Friday, January 17, 2014

Ask Erin and Lisa! 2 Idiots for the Price of One! (Probably NSFW)

As promised, I have called for backup, and by backup I mean another survivor of so many mistakes in all areas of life, my gal pal, you may know her as The Trouble With Lisa, but I just like to call her "hey bitch." (**Also, fellas, she is recently single, so there's that.)

And now, the questions.....


Ok, I cannot take being set up one more time by my "friends," who seem to think I am a fat, ugly, slutty, bore- based on these set-ups. I know about all of the various online/app dating sites- but I am leery to get my feet wet! Any recommends or advice or warnings?

Lisa:  look, online dating freaks me out, too, so i totally understand. HOWEVER, it can be a good way to boost your confidence whilst getting back out there. my main advice here is not take it too seriously. a lot of guys will hit you up; some will be totally disgusting and vile. most you wont like, but there is a chance you might meet someone super fucking cool. this is what i would do. i was recently back in LA and got on tinder. try that first. then try ok cupid, then in that order. and also: stop any chatter with regard to yourself as fat, slutty or bore-based. thoughts become things, sister.

Erin: Ok, truth be told, I have never done online dating. It seems like a fucking nightmare. That being said, it seems like a good idea when you are bored and/or want to get laid. I have not had luck being set up by friends either. My one and only blind date (a friend set-up) was with a young, fairly successful, producer, who kept me trapped in the valley while he smoked crack and then apologized. But, that's another story. Also, he drove a convertible Saab, which shouldn't reflect poorly on other Saab drivers. 

Lisa: i did meet a cute jewish guy on tinder...MY DREAM and i'll be seeing him when i go back to LA in a month ;o) i'll keep you posted. the thing i like about the online dating thing is that it shows you the ABUNDANCE that is everyfuckingwhere. men are everywhere.

Erin: You can always try Lulu to vet your online prospects, although a review built on hashtags can only do so much. 


There's a girl acquaintance I know. We used to chat on f/b and did the coffee thing. She was very nice, but I failed to get closer due to my own issues. We went out of touch, I deleted my account and lost contact with her. I've seen her from time to time in person. She's seemed weird when I saw her. I was stressed out at the time and made the mistake of sending a creepy message or two. I think I stumbled into the awkward creeper guy status, and every time saw her, tried to send a message or approach her in person, I was just digging a hole.

I'd like to know her again. I was thinking about sending an actual email (to her business email as I never needed her personal one) to apologize and show a genuine interest in catching up or is that just too creepy?

Help me get out of creeper status!

Lisa: dear creeper: ugh. i've been on both sides of this one. the thing is- if she likes you, you'd know it.  usually i find that if a dude likes me he will stop at nothing to see me, which i like - i like a man to pursue me. SO, that being said, let's give this thing another whirl: reach out via email. DO NOT WRITE SOME LONG BULLSHIT. keep it simple. say hi. tell her you'd like to see her sometime if she's up for it.

Erin: First off, Creeper Dude, don't send anything to her WORK email. That's extra creepy, because there's a good chance that her work emails are read by other people at said workplace. Secondly, you lost me at "my own issues." Sorry. For the sake of future non-creepy relations, clear up those issues now. Nothing is creepier than your issues.

Lisa: i disagree with erin here - i think the work email is fine. the bitch can always press delete if it bugs her. good luck - i am rooting for you. 

Erin: Whatever.


My boyfriend can get really rough. Like when I'm giving him oral, he'll grab my head and like push me down so I deep throat. And I understand that he might need to feel that, but he can just let me know, he doesn't need to force me down. It gets to the point where I'm like literally trying to push him away from me. And during sex he can get kinda rough. Like when I need to stop or slow down, he just ignores it and keeps going. It's fairly early into the relationship, it's only been about 3 months, so I really don't know how to bring it up without him feeling hurt or getting angry. Despite what I said, he is a genuine guy and I do really like him, I don't want to hurt the relationship at all, I just need him to back off a little. Best ways to tell him that without being too mean?

Erin: Your teeth are your best defense here. But seriously, you are an adult, I assume, in an adult relationship... and like I say to the kids, if you can't handle talking about this stuff, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it at all. Take some responsibility for your sex life and your body. If you don't like it rough, tell him. Because, "The more you know...."

Lisa: i'm so sorry for the rough sex problem you're having. have him email me instead- mucho appreciated. 

Well, freaks, I hope this helps. I have indentured Lisa to continue wading through your questions with me. We will get to them all, so keep them coming. Use the email box on the top right, enter whatever made-up email address you like, along with your question, and we will answer your anonymous question with all the care and heart we can muster. xoxo


philip said...

Can you both marry me?

Anonymous said...

slut friends. how cute

Anonymous said...

You are both hilarious and I can see why Philip would want to marry you! (Trip to Utah?)
Erin - I wholeheartedly agree with you that creepers should just disappear. Once it has started, that thing is like quicksand!
Lisa - you should totally get that guy's email. It's not that easy to find a perfect guy that you're also sexually compatible with! ;-)

the trouble with lisa said...

phillip: maybe.

anonymous: whatev bev.

anonymous 2: totally regarding everything you said. and thanks for taking the time to comment ;o)

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