Friday, February 28, 2014

Your sweetness, would cause a rockslide



I used to listen to this song all the time. 


Because it's really good. I loved The Hour of Bewilderbeast. And, yeah, I know. 


It's been one of those days. 



Hope you have an adequate weekend, at the very least. 





If you're bored and in case you missed it...



xoxo


Thursday, February 27, 2014

Ask Erin And Lisa!: Long-distance, making out in bars, and waiting to get it on. (Maybe NSFW)



Lisa and I are back to tackle world issues, solve global crises, or just give you bad advice about your sex life.


1.

I met a babe on a business trip. We really hit it off but we live about a 6 hour plane ride apart. He wants me to come visit him. I want him to come visit me. I offered to meet him somewhere we can both fly cheaper and direct as a compromise. My question is this: is his unwillingness to literally go the distance a foreshadowing of his inability to figuratively go the distance in a relationship? Should I rescind my offer and let him come to me if he wants to see me again? ALSO, if it's on should i warn him I may not put out?

Erin: Lisa, can you believe it's been a whole week since our last post?

Lisa: well, time has gone by quickly for me, because I've been doing a lot of tinder-ing. 

Erin: In the last week, I've been drunk at a Romanian steakhouse, fielded emails from strangers who think I should be raped because they didn't like what I said, and mourned the loss of what I thought was Spring last weekend. 

Lisa:  drunk at a romanian steakhouse?! i can't wait to come visit you in manhattan, erin! i got stood up by a tinder date. that's cool.

Erin: Can you go back in time and left-swipe? 

Lisa:  i just chose to never answer any more of his pleas to see me. so, that's done. 

Erin: Yeah, his "apology" texts you forwarded to me were really lame. Alright, enough of this. Let's answer this bitch's question.

Lisa: ah, the good ol' bizness trip babe. what a fantastic and beautiful thing. 

Erin: I would be remiss if I didn't admit that I have had more than one long-distance relationship/affair/dalliance/whatever. And, when I was, I honestly preferred going to them, because if someone comes to you and probably stays with you, you're trapped. If you go to them, you can escape. Meeting in between could be fun, as long as you have an escape plan. 

Lisa: ok, you already put it out there that you are willing to meet him somewhere neutral. i like this idea. as far as foreshadowing goes, this is not a hitchcock flick. he doesn't know you and you don't really know him, so compromise on the locale is appropriate in your case. as we all know by now, i'm a bit of a hard ass when it comes to the guy making the first move, but my rules must be relaxed when it comes to dating long distance.

Erin: Here's another thought. If you don't want to put out when you meet, I'm thinking you must be looking for some level of relationship with this person. And, I wonder why you want to get into a long distance relationship. I got into them, probably so I didn't have to really commit- not that I was unfaithful, but you know you only have to give so much if you only see the person once a month. The thing about long-distance is it's great if you want a relationship to give you some stability with minimal effort and time commitment. However, at a certain point it's just going to feel like you're tied down and not getting laid, enjoying all the crap that comes with a relationship without the benefits. 

Lisa: whatever you do, don't rescind your offer. you would come off as crazy-town and confused and no one wants to see that. and sure, warn him that you may not fuck him right away, but be open to all possibilities, please. 



2.

So, I met this guy on facebook randomly. We hit it off instantly via messenger, then text, then phone. We texted a ton every day. We had our first date yesterday. It was wonderful. Intense chemistry, great dialogue. I was comfortable and things felt natural.

So I tell my friend "Patty" I met a guy. "Patty" asks his name. A while later, she texts me and says, "He has a past." I guess she found a friend of his friend who said he is a player? Like in the past (and this has been several years) he'd supposedly go to a bar and get drunk and make out with girls. Okay. So this guy is 35 now and I wonder, do I hold his past against him?

It's really discouraging to know this about him so early on in the getting to know you phase. It has soured my view on him and made me more cautious. I have been hurt twice with really painful breakups and this seems like a recipe for disaster.

Side note: I did NOT tell my friend to dig and find out info about him and frankly can't tell if I'm annoyed or should appreciate this.

Lisa: god, i loathe patty already. she seems like a drama mama and a chaos maker. 

Erin: Yeah, "Patty" just wants to yuck your yum. Unless, "Patty" knows you and knows that you make poor decisions when it comes to men, such as meeting them on Facebook. What are you, 17? 

Lisa: i ALWAYS think people should decide for themselves about others. i've heard this kind of warning in the form of oh-it's-something-you-should-know about dudes i've dated/begun to date and guess what? i don't give a shit. i prefer to inform my own decisions when it comes to others. you could ask 100 people what they think of me and someone (ok, maybe many someones) would have some shitty opinion of me. based on what? an interaction they had with me that was less than favorable? ok. a guy i haphazardly dated/made out with/had sex with/whatever when i was less discerning than i am now? fair. but your "friend" Patty needs to respect that you are in something new and allow you to experience it without the commentary based on a friend of a friend. 

Erin: If the worst thing in his past is that several years ago he got drunk at bars and made out with girls, I can only imagine what "Patty" would have to say about me. This doesn't sound like a red flag. If that behavior when he was younger shocks you or "Patty," I am far more concerned with the level of excitement in your lives.




3.

Out of sheer curiosity what do you think is an appropriate time to wait to have sex with some one you really like and potentially want to be serious with? I have heard many answers. I also understand that we are all different and all circumstances and situations are different. However, I think that there is a natural instinct or desire in each of us to hunt and chase or to want what we can't have or want some thing we have to work hard for to get.

Erin: Hold on a minute, Lisa is squealing.

Lisa: omg, great question. i've been thinking about this a lot for myself, as well. i'd say to wait at least a few dates, let's say 5-7, if you want a long-term, frealz serious thing. 

Erin: I have a hard time with this question. I think every serious relationship I ever had began with sex, and truthfully, sex too soon/right away. I've never been good at following "the rules." I am not advocating this, but that has been my experience. I will add, that I have slept with far less people than most of my friends, but that doesn't mean I have ever waited if there was someone I wanted to get naked with. I like to think of it as good intuition. However,  a survey of some of my past boyfriends could counter-argue the intuition defense. 

Lisa: listen, the advent of online dating has created a cesspool and culture of peeps that meet up/fuck and never talk again. i'm not really into that shit (anymore), but lotsa folks are. 

Erin: Good point, I have never done the online dating thing, unless you count the dudes I've met from this blog. Just kidding! (sort of). 

Lisa: eventual outcomes with regard to having sex are always dicey, but if you want something more meaningful in your life, WAIT. 

Erin: Also, waiting will give you an opportunity to see if YOU really want that level of intimacy with that person. 





Keep sending us your questions/problems/quandaries. We will answer them all. If you sent us a question and it has not been answered yet, rest assured that it will be, eventually! Use the box at the top right of the page to ask a question. As always your anonymity is golden. 

xoxo



Wednesday, February 26, 2014

5 Reasons You Need to Drop Everything and Watch "Only in HelLa"


Rory Uphold has created my new favorite web series, Only in HelLa. And you need to watch it, now


Here's why-



1. Rory Uphold is rad. She's funny and real and the kind of woman you'd want to watch bad television and eat pickles with. 

2. Only In HelLA chronicles the ridiculousness of Los Angeles with an adept blend of love/hate.

3. The clipboard guys, parking in LA, Gluten-free homeless, "I would totally right-swipe you." I could go on...

4. These perfect short (30 sec. to 2 min.) vignettes will make you laugh, especially if you're from LA, but even if you're not. 

5. You can say you knew about Rory before she became a huge star. 





You can thank me, later. 

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

A Visual Mash-Up the Top 10 Dumb BuzzFeed Quizzes I've Taken

As you may already know, I take a lot of dumb BuzzFeed quizzes. According to the results, here is a collage of my personality. (quizzes linked below each photo if you are also interested in procrastination)...






















What does this say about my personality? A few things that were revealed- My "cold exterior is misunderstood," I'm "effortlessly cool," I made the right choice living in NYC, I'm "an enigma wrapped in a (murder) mystery," "it's not easy being so pretty, accomplished and popular," my life can "get a bit crazy, which often distracts people from my remarkable intelligence," and I am "probably very sexy and great at dancing." 

Also, I really really excel at procrastination. 

Accurate? You tell me...And please feel free to share your hilarious results.


Monday, February 24, 2014

Salvation

"Salvation-
2. liberation from ignorance or illusion"



So, last Friday I posted this about my frustration over dudes (and chicks, too)complaining about Lena Dunham wearing a bikini through most of an episode of Girls. 

To be clear- my point was not to comment on how well this worked for the show or how well-written it is or debate anyone on the merit of Dunham's talent. My point was that many many people focused their criticism solely on how bad she looked in a bikini. 

This sparked lively debate on Facebook, many comments, Facebook messages, Twitter messages, and 37 emails from strangers- some of which were really nice, some of which disagreed but stated their opinion with a clear level of intelligence, and some of which said things like this....







Here's the thing. I am not an "overly-sensitive man-hating humorless cry-baby." I can get behind all sorts of music that may or may not be misogynistic. I am not offended by The Wolf of Wall Street. I liked Andrew Dice Clay in the 90s. I am okay with you talking about your dick. I think watching porn is healthy and normal. If you know me or have read this blog, you know that.

But....


Dudes, I'm sorry, there is no way you can fully appreciate being on the receiving end of this- much like I cannot know what it's like to be discriminated against based on the color of my skin or my sexual orientation. 


Normally, I go through my days not saying anything about it. I ignore the emails that call me a whore for talking about sex, or the ones that say I should have overdosed when I was a junkie, or that I'm ugly and boring because I'm a female on the internet. 

And some friends think I shouldn't put any of this out there- that I'm asking for trouble by sharing thoughts and opinions in a public way, and I shouldn't be surprised by the reaction. 

I also appreciate that men can be on the receiving end of nasty words, discrimination, and it can be hard to have a rational discussion with a woman about a subject that is highly emotional. 

I want to hear everyone's opinions- but I don't think we have to sink to ripping apart someone's appearance, even if they put it out there. I don't think it's necessary to call me a "chubby-chaser lesbo" (But if I was, so what?) or suggest I want or deserve to get raped. 

Sometimes I want to be funny, sometimes I want to be crass, sometimes I want to state my opinion, sometimes I want to share the ugliest parts of myself, sometimes I want to do it all because I can, because it's my right, and because we still have a ways to go.

But, I will shut up about this subject, for now. 








Friday, February 21, 2014

I Do Not Fear Time


Happy Friday...

Today is Nina Simone's birthday. She died eleven years ago. 

Thankfully, she left behind many beautiful songs.

One of my favorites (which I've blogged about before and was written by Sandy Denny)....







"Sad, deserted shore, your fickle friends are leaving
 Ah, but then you know it's time for them to go."



Hope you all have a thrilling weekend. In case you're bored/in case you missed it....











Dear Dudes, Can you please stop talking about Lena Dunham in a bikini?

Spoiler alert: Last Sunday's episode of Girls featured Lena Dunham sporting a bikini through most of the show. 





Since Sunday, in my Facebook feed, I have had 7, yes SEVEN, male friends comment on/rant/complain about/tell us how grossed out they were by this.

Seriously? You are seemingly intelligent and rational. And this is what you have to say about an episode that explored very real complications that exist in ALL friendships, regardless of sex, sexual orientation, race, age, or socio-economic status?

First of all, don't watch the show. Lena Dunham is clearly, and admirably, comfortable with who she is. The fact that you're not is YOUR PROBLEM. You must know by now how the show goes. If seeing real women's bodies on the screen disturbs you, you have an easy fix. Don't watch. 


Here's the truth: When Danny McBride parades around, gut out, on Eastbound and Down, you all laugh and praise his genius. When James Gandolfini (R.I.P.)strutted his hefty stuff on The Sopranos, men loved him and women thought he was sexy. 







You like what you like, and that's fine- but that you find it interesting/word-worthy/funny to use social media to publicly rag on the way a young woman, who is probably far smarter than you, looks in a bikini is pitiful. 

And ladies, you are not off the hook either. More than half of the "friends" that chimed in on these disparaging status updates were women. And they were laughing/disparaging right along with their male compadres. 

Beauty is subjective and that's awesome because we are not all vying for the same thing. And guys, YOU HAVE NO IDEA what it's like to walk through life with a huge portion of the population assessing your entire value based on how hot you are. 

I can take a joke, I am not anti-man, I can appreciate the very different ways in which our brains operate. But, you don't get a pass on this one. 

Wether or not you like the show, it makes me happy that a young, smart, confident woman is creating something of substance based on her brain, not her booty. Maybe it's not your cup of tea. Cool, don't watch. 

But, please, do yourself a favor, and shut up. You're just making yourself look pathetic. 

Love,
Erin

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Ask Erin and Lisa: Lisa needs a team and I need to stop taking quizzes. (Probably/Definitely NSFW)




We're baaaacckkkkk! You have problems. We have answers. Let's go!




1.

Im 30 and shes 27, been together 8 months n actually were talkin seriously about moving in 2gether. We're in love and had a great relationship until recently. She drops this bomb that she wants 2 pose nude for a magazine. I'm kind of floored by this, yes she is very attractive, but she never acted like the type to wanna do this. I'm not ok with this, I say 2 her why you wanna have other guys seeing you naked, she says its not that she wants that. She said the money isvery good and would put a "huge dent" in what she owes for her student loans and she really wouldnt have to do anything but get her picture taken.

I dont feel that is a good enough reason 2 do this at all, I dont want a bunch of other guys seeing her naked and jerking off to it and sh*t like that. Shes says Im not being very mature and that it is "her body". I dont dispute its her body, and shes like "oh not like anyone will be touching me only you get to do that its reserved for only you" and im just thinking "yeah I thought seeing you naked was reserved for only me too".

I'm not really going to play games though, I'm too old for games. I told her she is free to do what she wants, but if she did this then I'd be breaking up with her. She was like "oh then I really cant do what I want can I". But that isn't true, she can. There is no law that says she has to stay with me, although I'd be heartbroken if we had to break up.

Am I over reacting here and not being fair? I think its crazy for any girl to think her bf would be ok with this. We havent talked much today, she says I'm trying to control her. I said nope and if you feel this way maybe we shouldnt be together. So then she gets mad saying that Im always talking about breaking up so I must want out. I dont even know how to respond to these things. If I wanted out Id break up with her, I dont need to use any excuse. I told her I love her and dont ever wanna be without her.


I told her the fact that she wants to do something she knows will really hurt me is really hurtful in itself. She says there is no reason to be hurt. So am I out of line here?

Lisa: hey erin, how's it going? what's up?

Erin: Well, Lisa, I am sitting on my hands, using all my power, not to correct the horrendous grammar/spelling/poor word usage in this question. You 2?

Lisa:  yes, that's very prince like of this dude, if i do say so myself. but, anyway i feel pretty good. i had a call with my psychic today, who told me that my next boyfriend is on the way and that he's not any of the dudes i currently know/thank god. 

Erin: Wait, you have a psychic? 

Lisa: erin, not only do i have a psychic, i have a chiropractor, a holistic healer, a massage therapist, and a shrink. it takes a village. 

Erin: Holy shit, Lisa. We're trying to instill a little faith in these people that we are not as crazy as they are. 

Lisa: whatevs. ok, onto the dude and his problem. oh, lawdy, here's the deal- if you are in an adult committed relationship, THERE MUST BE RECIPROCITY, there must be compromise. people that are all "we're so free love and non-jealous and everything is all fairies and flowers"- i call bullshit on all that. if you are with someone seriously, you don't just get to do whatever the fuck you want, period. 

Erin: I just need to get this out of the way first- you are a 30 year old man- don't replace to/too with 2. Ok, I will let the rest go. Now, as for your situation, while there's no right or wrong answer about posing nude, you absolutely have a right to voice your opinion and it is understandable that you would be hurt that she's not taking that into consideration. 

Lisa: yeah, it sounds like you've been very clear and communicative. 

Erin: When I was a teenager, I knew this older couple that a lot of people used to get drugs from. On their anniversary, the dude decided he would rent a porno for them to watch later. It was probably a VHS, maybe a DVD, because I am old. At the video store, he was surprised to find his live-in girlfriend of 5 years on the cover of a porno. She had made it while they were together and said she did it for the money, which makes no sense because they had money and she was paid something like $400. My point is- your girlfriend can't be getting paid that much. With all the free internet porn available, there's no way she's paying off her debt this way, unless she is a celebrity and you left that part out of the story- which seems unlikely given her unpaid student loan debt. 

Lisa: you're not out of line. lay back and watch. i'll bet you $10 her next move will be pole dancing. 

Erin: Smooth move, Lisa. You're going to need that $10 to pay for your team of experts.



2. 

I am a 25 yo female and have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. We recently started living together and everything is great, but sex. I have never been so frustrated in my entire life about sex.
The thing is that my boyfriend just cares about himself during intercourse. I feel as if I were just an object for his pleasure. As an example: I always do oral to him, masturbate him and all kinds of foreplay before sex. I always do all the work, while he NEVER touches me, neither he does oral to me. Nothing.
He believes sex is just about himself, and ignores that it is an exchange of value among both of the lovers. I have talked to him MULTIPLE TIMES about it and he just doesn't care. He has seen me sad about it too, but he refuses to change his behavior.

Now, just so you know a little more about myself - I think I am a very healthy person (I eat healthy, I don't smoke, etc). I am also a very clean person (shower twice a day, etc). I think I am fairly attractive (redhead, slender, green eyes..) , but my boyfriend doesn't care about any of that. He watches porn and masturbates all day while I am at work (because he doesn't work), and when I come home he doesn't even seem interested in me. Actually, no - he is only interested in me doing oral sex to him.

I am getting tired of the situation, and this might be a deal breaker for me. I hate it. I have had multiple lovers in my life, and gets lot of male attention. Since the situation is what it is, I am afraid I might end up cheating on him. I am always a very honest person, so I am concerned about having the temptation of sleeping with other people.

I thought that if I refused to have sex with him at all he would change, so I did it and his response was just not having sex with me, and just continuing to watch porn. So, that didn't work either. I am desperate. I don't know what to do.

I love him, so I don't want to break up with him, but the situation is getting ugly. I am not willing to spend the rest of my life this way.

I would enormously appreciate any advice.

Thank you,
- Sophie.

Erin: Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. Let's set up your boyfriend up with the chick in the first question. 

Lisa: oh, sophie. sophie, sophie, sophie. 

Erin: Alright, the fact that you haven't cheated on or dumped this loser tells me that you are either a masochist or have serious issues with your father. Much like I told the people who asked questions last week, RUN! You are a young, attractive woman. Don't waste one more minute with this douche bag. 

Lisa: you sound like a really lovely person. like you, i have green eyes too. did you know that less than two percent of the world's population has green eyes? what i'm trying to say is that you are special and this porn-addicted freak-o, that is currently you're boyfriend, ain't. look, i like porn every now and again. i watched a little porn-hub last night, in fact. but the combination of not having sex with you, you doing all of the work, and oh he doesn't have a job- your brain must be on sensory overload with all the red flags waving in front of you. get out, lose this loser. you deserve more, i can tell.  




3.

I was with a girl, we went on a date for drinks and afterwards asked her to come back to my place. She agrees and comes over, I make a move on her for a kiss and she turns me down. Then I climb on my bed and lay on my stomach.... She takes her shoes off and climbs in my bed and puts her legs around me in a flirtatious manner. I put my hand on her and she doesn't push me off. I drop her at home and she said she had fun we should do it again. Should I keep chasing or am I in the friend zone

Erin: You climbed on your bed and lay on your stomach?

Lisa: if she didn't like you, she wouldn't have come over. 

Erin: Well, I will say that when I was younger, say 19-26-ish, I was a fucking nightmare. I was a tease, I was all over the place, I gave people mixed signals. So, you might be in the friend zone, the friend-I-like-to-flirt-with-and-might-sleep-with-one-day-if-I am-drunk-zone. 

Lisa: i'm gonna disagree here, erin. although she may be sending you confusing signals, i think she is to be commended. i'm trying to approach relationships like this now too, more cautiously, because i recently blew it with a skater guy that i really really really liked by being too available. 

Erin: Skater guy? What are you- fourteen? 

Lisa: well, erin, actually, we're pretty close in age. and, i just took a buzzfeed quiz that said that my real age is 24.  so, there.

Erin: I guess I should shut-up, considering my last post was about the fact that I act like a fifteen year old. Also, I need to come clean. I take at least 4 BuzzFeed quizzes a week. Go ahead, ask me which character I am on Twin Peaks or Downton Abbey. 

Lisa: oh erin, please, which character are you on twin peaks?

Erin: Laura Palmer, duh. 




The Trouble with Lisa and I will be back next week to answer more questions. We've got a lot to choose from- tinder, facebook hookups, helping your friend snoop on her boyfriend, orgasms, loving two people at the same time, and many more. Keep them coming, we will answer all questions eventually and anonymously, unless you say it's ok to include your name. Use the box at the top right of the page and have a wicked awesome weekend. xoxo









Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Forever Fifteen


One of the most exhilarating exasperating things about me is the fifteen year old girl that sometimes often wrangles my emotions and wields them incorrectly (and occasionally usually in the wrong direction). Although I believe I've improved in the maturity department, I still surprise myself when things fly out of my mouth that should never cross the lips of anyone old enough to be tried as an adult. 

I used to lie to myself and think this was a charming aspect of my personality, something to keep me "forever young." But, really it makes me a little annoying. And, let's be honest, acting like a teenager sort of loses its charm when you've crossed that threshold into your 30s.

My generation, and perhaps the one after, have been lingering in prolonged adolescence far too long. Like the drunk guy in the bar at 3:51 AM (at least in New York...if you're in LA then make that 1:38 AM) still hanging on to the hope of getting lucky, we've somehow convinced ourselves that it's cool to be 10th graders with salaries. 

And, as I said, I am totally 100% guilty. What made me think about it this morning was watching the trailer for writer/director Matt Wolf's documentary Teenage.




Wolf talking about the film....


And an excerpt...





P.S. As an added bonus- an embarrassing photo of me at fifteen, because all pictures of yourself as a teenager are embarrassing. But, I like to laugh at myself, so it's a win win. 

(I'm the one on the right, not standing up straight, because I always felt too tall. )


Monday, February 17, 2014

Friday, February 14, 2014

He said dance for me, fanciulla gentile...



It's Valentine's Day. Which means nothing. It is the 14th of February. Which is a fact. 




Although I think it's sort of lame as a "holiday," who doesn't love a cute/weird/creepy/often anthropomorphized vintage Valentine? 










I do, however, love poetry. And Valentine's Day is a perfect time to revisit some. 

Other ways to get in the mood....

Good VD reads...almost anything by Jeanette Winterson, especially Written on the Body and The Passion.

Also, P.J. Harvey's To Bring You My Love is maybe my favorite romantic album of all time. 














Enjoy. Go read a book. Recite some poetry. Listen to some music. Get sexy. Use a condom. xoxo


Thursday, February 13, 2014

Ask Erin and Lisa!: The VD Edition (Maybe/Slightly NSFW?)



Erin: Well, it's Valentine's Day tomorrow. Lisa, what are your thoughts?

Lisa:  well, last year i drove through in n out burger and got myself a burger and fries. So, I'm hoping that this year will be better! 

Erin: Last year, I found a dead kitten in my garage and had to enlist the help of my friends to pick it up with a shovel and put it in a box. And 2 years before that, I got lice! This is a mere sampling of the stellar Valentine's Days I have had. 

Lisa: yeah, I'm not really in to valentine's day, but maybe it would be different if i had a valentine. who knows? who cares?

Erin: I am generally opposed to going out to dinner on Valentine's Day or receiving flowers that some schmuck paid triple for because of the date. Also, what about those people who say Valen-times Day? Okay, enough of this babble. These people need help.



1. 

 "So our first date was great, he's the type of guy that's very confident & he brings out the smart ass in me for some reason so when we talk were a little smart ass to each other. Here's my dilemma, second date last night & from the moment he picked me up he was being such a smart ass that it started to go too far and it was becoming more rude than jokey. I was getting upset because I didn't understand how he didn't realise I was getting mad & I didn't understand why he thought he could take it so far and talk to me like that. Anyway I ended up being like 'stop being such a dick' & when we went to get food I felt so uncomfortable I didn't order anything and just sat there on my phone being pissed off. He said sorry he didn't realise I was actually getting annoyed & that he wasn't intentionally doing it. I wouldn't drop it & couldn't help but keep a grudge. I just kept saying how he treated me like **** & I don't get why you'd do that blah blah. Afterwards we got a drink and chatted and I got over it. He said he was nervous so he over compensated by being over the top & that he really wanted to hangout with me tonight. Night ended good we got over it and went back to normal. This morning I feel so bad, I'm annoyed at myself cause I feel like I overreacted and kept dragging it on and being such a princess about it all I should have just been like stop being rude & moved on not dwelled & constantly said how annoyed I was or how **** he had made me feel ect. I txt him saying sorry I was just in an annoyed mood I didn't mean to over react and he was like nah all good I appreciate the apology.. but now I'm worried I've ruined my chances with him & that he thinks I'm some crazy girl who holds grudges and over reacts & gets pissed easily. What do you think? How can I fix this? What do you think he thinks of me now?"

Lisa:  i have no idea know he thinks of you now, but i do know you need to CHiLLAX. the whole reason we go on dates is  to find this shit out about people. we go out with people so we can see if we are a match - if enough of the same things line up. it's risky business for sure and hey, if you blew it with this guy, whatever. at least you are moving closer to what you do want by knowing what you don't want - get it?  a guy who is too sassy ass ain't for you. 

the way you can fix it is by letting it alone. if you see him again, don't beat the horse that is already laying on the ground dead. be light. be cool. be you. i'll think you're fine here.

Erin: Dear Dude Dating Uptight Girl....RUN! 

Seriously, girlfriend, you need to let it go. In my experience, when a dude says "nah, all good," that's code for- "I'm gonna let crazy down easy." If he's brave and/or stupid, he will give you a pass. Don't pull this crap again. It makes you look crazy. If he does something that bugs, tell him, and then drop it. (Unless he really is an ass and keeps ragging on you, then you should run!)

Lisa: i went out with a guy that complained the whole night , on the first date, but fortunately for him, i like him and i can see beyond the petulant mistakes he was making on our first date. 

Erin: Lisa....RUN!



2.   

"My girlfriend just broke up with me 2 hours ago. I don't know how I feel at the moment. but I'm terrified at how I am going to feel in a few hours or tomorrow. I feel so lost without her, I don't know what to do anymore. We we're together for 1 year, and I never loved another girl the way I loved her and we we're talking about a future together, getting married, having kids, getting a house and having a family of our own, but those dreams got shattered like broken glasses and my heart feels shattered into pieces, I still can't believe she broke up with me, I am crying as I am writing this at the same time, so I am wiping my tears at the same time. . Celeste baby I love you a lot from the bottom of my heart, and I can't believe you ended our beautiful relationship, when everything was going well for us, I miss you already baby and I want you back Sad Sad Sad Sad I LOVE YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what to do."

Erin: Celeste, RUN!!!

Ok, Mr. Shattered Heart...I am guessing that you are young. Because when you are old, like me, you will understand that you will probably love again, many times. And it will be different, but it won't be any less amazing/awful. 

Don't run after her. Take a breath, pull yourself together, don't drink (The alcohol will make it worse.), exercise (I know this sounds crazy, but trust me, you need all the endorphins you can get.), and keep yourself as busy as possible with friends, sex with strangers (Use a condom!), the Olympics- whatever works. 

Lisa: dear mr. shattered heart pieces, i personally have never been broken up with. i'm usually the one that does the breaking up. so my perspective on your situation is that you owe this girl a thank you. she's given you the space and freedom to find the right person for you. and i would also like to say, i was married, did have a kid and a house with someone, and the grass is always greener from the other side of the fence. what i would recommend is to let her go with love and get on tinder immediately- so you can see there are a million bitches in the sea.  

Erin: As someone who has done both the breaking up and been broken up with- it is not always less painful to be the breaker. Actually, I have done a more thorough job of breaking my own heart than anyone else has. 



3.

RE: Tinder

I've literally swiped my way through every dude in Seattle. Do I live in the wrong city? Am I really that picky? And why are they all so fucking "zany" #swipeleft #tinderthis

Lisa:  OMG tinder is my fucking nemesis. i only get on it when i'm home in los angeles. you do not live in the wrong city, seattle is baller. and yes, you are that picky, and that's a good thing. i have a couple of good friends who are constantly/obsessively on tinder. i see the guys that they go for and it's literally like scraping the bottom of the barrel. please ladies, don't be so desperate. 

Erin: Good grief. I am fascinated, in that watching a slow car crash sort of a way, by Tinder and the cornucopia of phone apps and websites devoted to getting people laid. Because, truthfully, isn't that what they're for? I have heard urban myths about people finding love on the digital plane, but I am skeptical at best. I think they're great for fun, for sex (Use a condom!), for "getting back out there." But, I don't think you can take them too seriously. 

However, if I was single, I would be all over them, because the stories that come out of the many bad dates are priceless! 

Lisa: erin, cornucopia is a good descriptive term, i.e. cornucopia of losers.  since tinder is basically a facebook app, how many of the people on your facebook do you want to go out with, really? #YOSO (you only swipe once) keep on swiping. 

Erin: Re: Zany. Oof! I feel your pain. Gentleman, when a lady  makes that long list of ideal traits in a dude, zany is never, ever, ever on that list. If it is, RUN! #nozanyzone





Keep the questions coming. Watch your grammar. Use a condom. We will back next week to answer more! Use the form on the top right to ask a question. Your anonymity is golden. HVD!

xoxo