Thursday, February 13, 2014

Ask Erin and Lisa!: The VD Edition (Maybe/Slightly NSFW?)



Erin: Well, it's Valentine's Day tomorrow. Lisa, what are your thoughts?

Lisa:  well, last year i drove through in n out burger and got myself a burger and fries. So, I'm hoping that this year will be better! 

Erin: Last year, I found a dead kitten in my garage and had to enlist the help of my friends to pick it up with a shovel and put it in a box. And 2 years before that, I got lice! This is a mere sampling of the stellar Valentine's Days I have had. 

Lisa: yeah, I'm not really in to valentine's day, but maybe it would be different if i had a valentine. who knows? who cares?

Erin: I am generally opposed to going out to dinner on Valentine's Day or receiving flowers that some schmuck paid triple for because of the date. Also, what about those people who say Valen-times Day? Okay, enough of this babble. These people need help.



1. 

 "So our first date was great, he's the type of guy that's very confident & he brings out the smart ass in me for some reason so when we talk were a little smart ass to each other. Here's my dilemma, second date last night & from the moment he picked me up he was being such a smart ass that it started to go too far and it was becoming more rude than jokey. I was getting upset because I didn't understand how he didn't realise I was getting mad & I didn't understand why he thought he could take it so far and talk to me like that. Anyway I ended up being like 'stop being such a dick' & when we went to get food I felt so uncomfortable I didn't order anything and just sat there on my phone being pissed off. He said sorry he didn't realise I was actually getting annoyed & that he wasn't intentionally doing it. I wouldn't drop it & couldn't help but keep a grudge. I just kept saying how he treated me like **** & I don't get why you'd do that blah blah. Afterwards we got a drink and chatted and I got over it. He said he was nervous so he over compensated by being over the top & that he really wanted to hangout with me tonight. Night ended good we got over it and went back to normal. This morning I feel so bad, I'm annoyed at myself cause I feel like I overreacted and kept dragging it on and being such a princess about it all I should have just been like stop being rude & moved on not dwelled & constantly said how annoyed I was or how **** he had made me feel ect. I txt him saying sorry I was just in an annoyed mood I didn't mean to over react and he was like nah all good I appreciate the apology.. but now I'm worried I've ruined my chances with him & that he thinks I'm some crazy girl who holds grudges and over reacts & gets pissed easily. What do you think? How can I fix this? What do you think he thinks of me now?"

Lisa:  i have no idea know he thinks of you now, but i do know you need to CHiLLAX. the whole reason we go on dates is  to find this shit out about people. we go out with people so we can see if we are a match - if enough of the same things line up. it's risky business for sure and hey, if you blew it with this guy, whatever. at least you are moving closer to what you do want by knowing what you don't want - get it?  a guy who is too sassy ass ain't for you. 

the way you can fix it is by letting it alone. if you see him again, don't beat the horse that is already laying on the ground dead. be light. be cool. be you. i'll think you're fine here.

Erin: Dear Dude Dating Uptight Girl....RUN! 

Seriously, girlfriend, you need to let it go. In my experience, when a dude says "nah, all good," that's code for- "I'm gonna let crazy down easy." If he's brave and/or stupid, he will give you a pass. Don't pull this crap again. It makes you look crazy. If he does something that bugs, tell him, and then drop it. (Unless he really is an ass and keeps ragging on you, then you should run!)

Lisa: i went out with a guy that complained the whole night , on the first date, but fortunately for him, i like him and i can see beyond the petulant mistakes he was making on our first date. 

Erin: Lisa....RUN!



2.   

"My girlfriend just broke up with me 2 hours ago. I don't know how I feel at the moment. but I'm terrified at how I am going to feel in a few hours or tomorrow. I feel so lost without her, I don't know what to do anymore. We we're together for 1 year, and I never loved another girl the way I loved her and we we're talking about a future together, getting married, having kids, getting a house and having a family of our own, but those dreams got shattered like broken glasses and my heart feels shattered into pieces, I still can't believe she broke up with me, I am crying as I am writing this at the same time, so I am wiping my tears at the same time. . Celeste baby I love you a lot from the bottom of my heart, and I can't believe you ended our beautiful relationship, when everything was going well for us, I miss you already baby and I want you back Sad Sad Sad Sad I LOVE YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what to do."

Erin: Celeste, RUN!!!

Ok, Mr. Shattered Heart...I am guessing that you are young. Because when you are old, like me, you will understand that you will probably love again, many times. And it will be different, but it won't be any less amazing/awful. 

Don't run after her. Take a breath, pull yourself together, don't drink (The alcohol will make it worse.), exercise (I know this sounds crazy, but trust me, you need all the endorphins you can get.), and keep yourself as busy as possible with friends, sex with strangers (Use a condom!), the Olympics- whatever works. 

Lisa: dear mr. shattered heart pieces, i personally have never been broken up with. i'm usually the one that does the breaking up. so my perspective on your situation is that you owe this girl a thank you. she's given you the space and freedom to find the right person for you. and i would also like to say, i was married, did have a kid and a house with someone, and the grass is always greener from the other side of the fence. what i would recommend is to let her go with love and get on tinder immediately- so you can see there are a million bitches in the sea.  

Erin: As someone who has done both the breaking up and been broken up with- it is not always less painful to be the breaker. Actually, I have done a more thorough job of breaking my own heart than anyone else has. 



3.

RE: Tinder

I've literally swiped my way through every dude in Seattle. Do I live in the wrong city? Am I really that picky? And why are they all so fucking "zany" #swipeleft #tinderthis

Lisa:  OMG tinder is my fucking nemesis. i only get on it when i'm home in los angeles. you do not live in the wrong city, seattle is baller. and yes, you are that picky, and that's a good thing. i have a couple of good friends who are constantly/obsessively on tinder. i see the guys that they go for and it's literally like scraping the bottom of the barrel. please ladies, don't be so desperate. 

Erin: Good grief. I am fascinated, in that watching a slow car crash sort of a way, by Tinder and the cornucopia of phone apps and websites devoted to getting people laid. Because, truthfully, isn't that what they're for? I have heard urban myths about people finding love on the digital plane, but I am skeptical at best. I think they're great for fun, for sex (Use a condom!), for "getting back out there." But, I don't think you can take them too seriously. 

However, if I was single, I would be all over them, because the stories that come out of the many bad dates are priceless! 

Lisa: erin, cornucopia is a good descriptive term, i.e. cornucopia of losers.  since tinder is basically a facebook app, how many of the people on your facebook do you want to go out with, really? #YOSO (you only swipe once) keep on swiping. 

Erin: Re: Zany. Oof! I feel your pain. Gentleman, when a lady  makes that long list of ideal traits in a dude, zany is never, ever, ever on that list. If it is, RUN! #nozanyzone





Keep the questions coming. Watch your grammar. Use a condom. We will back next week to answer more! Use the form on the top right to ask a question. Your anonymity is golden. HVD!

xoxo




2 comments:

philip said...

Wow. I can't believe that guy just called out his ex girlfriend's name. Hahaha. Tinder is awful because the only women that pop up are women I know and would never date or sleep with. I should let you ladies set me up. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I also hate Valentines Day. This made me laugh today. :-) I like your blog. Happy VDay!