Thursday, March 27, 2014

Ask Erin And Lisa!: Reunited and it Feels so Good (NSFW because, just because, you should know better by now)

Lisa is back from her "hiatus" and here to help me give you so-so advice. 

Erin: Hey, Lisa, anything new?

Lisa: hold on, erin. i've got "the history of the jews" on pbs right now. let me turn this down. 

Erin: oh, really? 

Lisa: tommy lasagna told me to watch it. 

Erin: Good grief, when I said I was a swanky skanky matchmaker, I was kidding! So, are you refreshed? Ready to do this? 

Lisa: yes, i'm back and i'm ready to go.

My boyfriend stares a lot at other women. I don't mean a little glance here and there, but he really, really stares at them for long periods of time.
I know it's natural for guys to stare, but surely there's a limit.
I love him, and he says he loves me, but it makes me feel really inadequate when he does it when we're out in public.
Even at restaurants when I talk to him, he always glances past my face at other women - it makes me feel sick when he does it.
What should I do and should I be worried about it?

Erin: It has been my experience that all people, not just men, but especially men, stare at other people. However, I could not be with a dude who spent more time fixated on other women than me. 

Lisa: yes, you should be worried about it. when i first go out with a dude, i always check that he's looking at me and not at other chicks walking by or in the vicinity of us. it makes me feel sick, too, and i think it's a problem. 

Erin: Have you told him this bothers you? Maybe he doesn't even realize he's doing it. (Which one could argue, is worse.) But, if you've pointed this out and he denies and continues the behavior, get the hell out of that lame ass relationship. Life is too short. 

Lisa: if you're at a restaurant and he glances past you, he's a lame ass motherfucker and you should bail. period. 

Context: I was just messing around on tinder and saw the gf of a buddy of mine. Normally, I'd let him know without much question, but they moved across the country together and it's not like I "yes'd" her or anything and don't know what their situation is and trying to bring up their "situation" (like if that's what they're okay with) would probably raise some flags.
So, what is the right thing to do here?
When I saw her I kinda froze up and exited the app. I'll see if I find her again (I didn't yes or no her) and see the last time she was "active"...if it's been recent, I'll try to casually bring it up and hope for the best, I think.

Lisa: OH DEAR GOD, HELP US ALL. if the bitch is on tinder, she is looking around, a cheater, and not happy in her thing with your friend. 

Erin: Yes, you need to tell him. If I was your friend and my girlfriend was on tinder, I would definitely want to know. He would be pissed if he found out you knew and didn't tell him. Plus, it sounds like they are fairly serious if a cross country move was involved. 

Lisa: also: next time, think more quickly! you should have taken a screen shot of that shit! tell your friend. 

Erin: Also, dear people of earth, if you think you can be "stealth" on tinder and not get noticed by your significant others friends, you are a first second class idiot. 

I went a few times on a date with this man (33 y.o) - (total of 4 dates in 1.5 month).
After the third date, he invited me to his room to ''cuddle'' but I politely refused. Two weeks have passed where we texted but did not meet and finally had another date this week end. He asked me if I wanted to come over and I said yes (I felt ready this time). Once in his room we started kissing and took our clothes off. However, when I started going down on him, he said that we were going too fast. This was ok for me but then he went down on me instead. We still did not have sex and then just went to sleep.
I am clearly confused by his behavior...
why did he react this way? what is he looking for?

Lisa: first of all, your cutting weekend in to two words annoys me. secondly, is this guy gay?

Erin: Lisa, no he's not gay, he went down on her. A gay guy could probs fake his way through intercourse but could he really go down successfully? 

Lisa: i'm confused by his behavior, too. if a guy goes down on me, i assume that sex is the immediate next thing.

Erin: Wait, Lisa, maybe he's like Mr. Pussy from Sex and the City. Remember that episode when Charlotte was dating Mr. Pussy who just wanted to go down on her all the time? And her friends told her she couldn't bogart Mr. Pussy? 

Lisa: oh yeah, that hot jewish guy? i remember. 

Erin: No, he wasn't Jewish. Clearly, you have a one-track mind. 

Lisa: yes, erin, i remember, but i need the prize. 

Erin: Preaching to the choir, my friend. Alright, the biggest red flag I see here, is that a 33 year old man invited you to his "room"  to "cuddle" after the third date. 

Lisa: ugh, i'm going back to "the history of the jews" on pbs. laterz.

Well, we've lost Lisa. Good luck everyone and don't worry, we'll be back next week and we may even get Tommy Lasagna to weigh in on your many, many, many, many problems. To ask a question, use the box on the top right of the page. 

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