Thursday, April 3, 2014

Ask Erin and Lisa! (And Louie Linguini): Like 3 Limp Slaps in the Face (NSFW because we talk about sex.)

Well, well, well, what do you know? Tommy Lasagna has died and reemerged from the corners of the earth, as Louie Linguini, to lend us a hand in lending you a hand, or something like that. 

Erin: So, Lisa, Tommy Louie, how you doing?

Louie: I'm fine. Sitting here eating some pistachios because I have to fit into my suit for a wedding in a few weeks. This is what passes for lunch these days. How are you, Erin?

Erin: I'm swell. Wait, who is it that does the ads for pistachios? Dennis Rodman? (*update- Yes, Dennis Rodman.)

Lisa: well, erin, i suck because i dropped my iphone in the bath last night. so i'm in iphone hell right now.

Erin: You've really got to be more careful where you stick it, Lisa. On that note, shall we?

What does it mean when a male says he doesn't like to be told what to do or controlled? or what does that reveal about his personality?
I'm interested in knowing because naturally I'm a bit dominating with men and I was told this by a guy that is interested in me. is this a red flag? Please, advise.


Lisa: it means that you need to CHILLAX. and act like a girl and not a dude. women, you see, are rad.

Louie: Lisa, you are so cisnormative sometimes. I'm not sure that it has anything to do with acting like a MAN or a WOMAN.

Lisa: disagree.

Erin: No one likes to be controlled...unless they do, and that in itself is a red flag. 

Louie: But chances are, if a man tells you he doesn't want to be controlled, he's essentially saying that he wants to be single. 

Erin: Yes.

Lisa: so many chicks want to embrace sperm energy. women are receivers. it's in our DNA, our physiology. i'm not saying lie down and be a fucking doormat, but let the guy be the guy. 

Erin: Bitch, you lost me at "sperm energy."

Louie: Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about?

Lisa: ganging up on me will lead to bad things. 

Louie: It just sounds like you're turning into Alexyss Tylor

Lisa: ha, okay. 

Erin: Basically, relax. Don't try to control this dude, or any dude. No good can come of it. (And, I think the question reveals more about the asker that the dude she's asking about.)NEXT!

I've been wondering this for a while, but guys and girls will have a different time when they reach an orgasm right?So if I, as a guy, reach my orgasm before the girl, do I stop?

Louie: I mean, I think it comes down to what time of day it is. If it's 5 AM and you're shit drunk and you have sex and you can even have an orgasm in the first place, and before your female partner does, I would imagine that's some endgame shit. On the other hand, if it's a Saturday afternoon, and you're just lazing around, and you beat your partner to the punch, you better figure out a way to make that shit happen. For her, I mean. Otherwise, she will quickly grow to hate you. 

Erin: One point- a guy can only fake that he's still erect for so long, no? So, he should get her there through other means. 

Lisa: people that are super connected have orgasms at the same time, a lot of the time. but brother bear, NEVER EVER STOP. Get the vibrator out or something. 

Louie: Or your mouth.

Erin: Brother Bear? Seriously? Ok, but yes, we all agree, don't leave her hanging. 

i have a gf of 4 months. im 26, shes 27. After a month of dating i noticed she has mustache. Its unvincible during night, evening, but on the daylight its pretty obvious. She is really good looking girl and i can just not understand, how she does nothing about it... she has to know she has mustache... i like her and want to keep dating her, but its such a turn off... sometimes i just cant help but keep looking at her mouth when we are together. Some times im almost angry because i just cant understand why she does not get rid of them. And her friends... family they had to notice them too. Someone has to say something about that to her or im i wrong. I would like to bring that topic up and talk about it because it bothers my way too much. When we are together at night evening, i almost forget about it and telling myself im making too much of a deal, but i really dont. You may say im immature but i cant help it. Women should not have any facial hair in my opinion or at least do something about it. After that i start to pay attention to other women and notice there are few others with some minor facial hair. What should i do? I do not want to hurt her but i just want her to do something about it. Its not that hard for gods sake…

Erin: First of all, "unvincible" is not a word. I can only assume you mean invisible, unless you meant invincible mustache, which really means you have a much larger problem than I thought. Okay, this lady clearly has no friends, or no friends that like her, or friends that want her to be the ugly one, so they look prettier when they all go out together. I mean, really? No one has ever told her she has a 'stache? Or, what's worse- she knows and is all feminist about her facial hair. 

Louie: Or else she's a member of Le Tigre.

Lisa: i would suggest that he gently, and with grace, talk to her about it- "hey baby, you got a little fur up there."

Erin: Oof. It would be so much better to have a friend tell her. 

Lisa: come on, i know, but no one is telling her, bitch. the hard task has fallen to him.

Louie: He could always leave a missed connection for her on craigslist and then send her the link. That seems like a fairly indirect way of dealing with it, without having to tell her yourself. 

Lisa: i disagree and think that if you do it in a playful loving way, it will be fine. 

Louie: As a dude, I can say that I am pretty sure this will not happen, Lisa. 

Erin: He's right, she will freak out. 

Louie: Talking to women about their bodies can be a very tough task, especially if it's something "natural" like a little hair on her upper lip. It may just be a "deal breaker," like any other number of hairy body parts are for certain people. 

Lisa: AGAIN, i disagree with you. i think if he likes her he can figure out a way to talk to her about it. 

Louie: It won't, especially if he possesses the same lack of eloquence displayed in his question. 

Erin: "Baby, I need to talk to you about your unvinicble mustache."

Louie: Maybe it is an invincible mustache. 

Erin: I don't know that we helped him, but we tried.

Alright, Louie and Lisa, until next time. If you'd like to ask a question, use the form on the top right of the page. We promise to answer it, with some care, at some point. xoxo

1 comment:

thetroublewithlisa said...

that was sure fun, you freaks