Hello, hi there, hey....
Erin: Alright, Lisa, We have a limited amount of time to do this because you have to go get your “hair did.” So. let’s jump right in.
I met him at the local pub my partner and i go to regularly. From the first time we met, i remember how we locked eyes and there was definately some spark there, if nothing else at least physical attraction.
Some days we talk for hours at a time when we can and can send 100s of messages within a matter of hours!
He has made it clear that he wont leave his girlfriend and that everything is happy at home or at least it appears to be.
We talk about the time we like to spend together and all the sexual things we would like to do to each other.
I have tried to get him out of my head and i just cant, he has such a strong hold on me and we havent even spent any time together outside of work. We have talked and decided we were going to catch up but never actually arranged anything.
He is VERY worried about getting caught, he mentions it all the time.
For me to do this is very out of character as i have always believed cheating on someone is the lowest thing you can do.
However i dont want to blame this on my partner but he has lied to me for the first 10 months of our 12 month r/ship.
He has 2 kids and was living with them and his so called ex gf when he met me and kept denying it and still does until this day.
he has hurt me a lot and i dont trust him although he is promising me not to lie anymore to me and he is doing ok with that but i feel no shame or guilt with what i am doing it at all.
Is this normal? Like i said this is very out of character for me.
I cant get this other man out of my head, we have stopped going to the pub as i just cant bare to see him anymore, its just to much, all i want is to be in his arms.
By the way i am 23 female from australia
Erin: The answer is simple, considering your final post script to this lengthy question, “by the way i am 23 female…” You are 23 years old, in a relationship with someone who sounds like a sketchy dude (who already has 2 kids), “emotionally cheating” with an even sketchier dude. Why not get out of the relationship you’re in and find someone who is not as sketchy as the 2 dudes you’re wasting your time and mind with now? Girl, you need to wise up. (see below)
Erin: But, I digress...
Lisa: “worried i might open my mouth?!” that’s the most offensive thing i’ve seen in one of these questions so far. i don’t even know where to begin with this one. oh wait, yes i do, YOU ALL SOUND TOTALLY CRAZY. why would you want to cheat with a bar manager who most likely plays this game with every willing and desperate woman who enters the bar. raise your standards at least. it seems to me you were all unhappy and created diversions with each other, so you don’t have to deal with your own issues.
Erin: This whole pu pu plater of sketchiness you all have going on reminds me why I am so happy that I am not 23 years old.
Lisa: i don’t know, i mean, you’ve already emotionally cheated, so just go ahead and fuck the guy, i guess, get it over with all ready.
Lisa: yeah. people grow in different directions sometimes. these are good things i think- change in evolution- anyway i loathe confrontation, too. i’d just keep pulling the “friend fade.” she’ll get the hint.
Erin: Honestly, I would be likely to fade out, as well. However, if she asks you directly, you can be kind and honest. And tell her that her personality makes you uncomfortable. It’s okay. You don’t have to be friends with everyone on the playground.
I do still have feelings for her but I guess I am nervous and wonder if she is just looking for re-assurance for now after finding that the grass isnt so green after all.
Lisa: if you suspect there was another guy, there was definitely another guy and she dumped you for him. the heart is a fragile thing. i would keep to your commitment to nc and let this bitch graze on whatever grass her ass can find, but not your lawn. keep it lush for someone else. stay away.
We did it, with short and questionably sweet answers. Good luck with your hair, Lisa, and we’ll be back next week to answer more of your questions. If you have a question for us, use the form on the top right of the page. All questions will be answered (eventually) and with (some) care and, as always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo