Thursday, November 20, 2014

Ask Erin and Lisa!: "Pretty Woman," The Needy Lady, and Mr. Cling


We're back!!




Erin: Hey Lisa, how’s the first polar plunge/arctic express of the season treating you? 

Lisa: Um, actually I’m about to head to Lululemon to get some new running pants and this weather is perfect for shopping. 

Erin: You do you. Well, all I know is that no matter what I’m doing today, I am for sure freezing my ass off. Anyway, we’ve got problems to solve….





Q. 

Should I tell him?

My bf and I broke up about a month ago. Earlier this week I had a one night stand with a guy I knew for about 3 weeks. We used a condom, we didn't even kiss or have oral sex. Now I am back with my bf and we don't use protection. I don't know what to do. I practiced safe sex and just to be on the safe side I'm going to get tested Monday. Should I tell my bf about my one night stand or should I not mention unless I find out I have something. Thank you for your advice in advance.

A.

Lisa: Well, I haven’t been laid in a month…so mazel tov to that. IF YOU’RE BROKEN UP, YOU DON’T NEED TO TELL YOUR BF ANYTHING. REPEAT, DON’T FUCKING SAY A WORD. 

Erin: Yeah, you were broken up and you practiced safe sex, so I don’t think you should bring it up. If he asks, you absolutely need to be honest. (Who knows? He may have also had a one night stand while you were broken up.) 

Lisa: You didn’t even kiss the guy you had a one night stand with? Impressive!

Erin: It’s like Julia Roberts, in Pretty Woman









Q.

Blah I have a sick feeling after what I call being stood up. This guy asked me out. He was an old friend from high school, that I knew and might have dated a few years ago had I not been in love with another guy. So he calls me Tuesday night, and asks if I would like to do something Friday when he got off work. I said sure, and asked if he would like to come to my house for pizza, and talk and catch up. Kind of like a reacquaintance get together. Nothing serious, just a casual evening with an old friend. He said that sounded great to him, and he seemed excited about getting together . He was to come over tonight after he went home and showered and changed clothes. 
He calls me after he got off work, and says to me as follows: 

" I can't come over tonight. Some friends and I are going to the lake tomorrow and I have things to do to get ready for that." 

I was speechless, and the only thing I could muster at the moment was a surprised " ohh ? "  

At which point he says to me . "well if it rains tomorrow and my friends and I can't go to the lake, I will give you a call." 

The only thing I could say was , "Ok, and you have a good evening, bye bye" 

I didn't ask any questions as to WHY can't you come on over for a little while, or try to persuade anything. He was the one that had been asking me out. I was excited that I was going to get a chance to re-aquaint, and just have a fun evening talking. 
This made me get a totally sick feeling when he backed on on me. Just like a young school girl getting stood up by a date. I guess thats kind of weird coming from a 38 yr old woman. I guess its not actually being stood up, since he did at least call. I guess you would just call it cancelling the date. 
I just felt it was quite insensitive of him to back out on our getting together at the last minute. It made me feel like his trip to the lake tomorrow was the priority, and getting his fishing gear together. He only wants to get together tomorrow if it rains them out from the lake trip. Am I over reacting? Should I get together with him tomorrow if his lake trip is cancelled? I tend to want to just say forget it and not bother with it. It felt like he totally " took the wind out of my sail. Thoughts and comments would be appreciated.

A.

Erin: 

Dear Lake Dude, 

RUN, RUN, RUN. 

Dear Needy Lady, 

This was a casual get together. You called it that. If you are this hung up on his behavior before you’ve even had a “get-together” then he is really not the guy for you. Your expectations are way too high. It is not even clear to me if this guy wanted to hang as friends or for dating/sex. Although, many could argue that no straight man is calling to hang out on a Friday night at your house for friendship. 

Lisa: I agree with Erin. It sounds like your expectations were way our of whack on this one. I obviously don’t know too much because I am still single etc., but here’s what I do know- if a guy wants to see you, he will fly to the goddamn moon, if that’s where you are. So, you were right about not being a priority, you aren’t one. Don’t answer if this asshole calls you again. 

Erin: Well, to be fair, we don’t really know if he’s an asshole. You haven’t even been on one date yet, and that’s a lot of pressure for something so casual. 





Q.


Me and my GF have been together for nearly two months, and she just doesn't seem bothered to meet up with me anymore. We used to work together so meeting up wasn't a problem, we used to wait around until our shifts finish, go for a drink or a movie.

I told her that I was worried we wouldn't see each other when she left, but she always assured me that we would.

Anyway, it's only our first week since she left and when will I be seeing her next? Maybe friday if she isn't too hungover from going out with her friends the night before. Now, sure I accept the fact she's going out with friends, that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the fact that she appears to be totally uninterested in spending time with me.

It's weird because right after we see each other, she sends me sweet messages about how she had a fantastic time, she misses me already etc. I've even asked her if she wants a bit of space, but she says no.

And something I've noticed over the last week or so, she barely can be bothered to text me anymore. This morning I messaged to tell her that I wasn't feeling good so I couldn't go to work. She didn't even reply. She doesn't reply unless she's got something to ask, and even in her replies, she's being really blunt with me.

Am I reading too much into this? I really don't want to become a boyfriend of convenience.

A. 

Lisa: She ain’t that into you anymore. Like i told our friend who got stood up in our previous question, in my experience, if someone wants to be with you/see you/spend time with you, they will. I once (ok, recently) had a guy that I didn’t even know that well fly all the way from Switzerland to the states to see me. get it? 

Erin: I disagree. first of all, we don’t know what the new job is and what her current responsibilities are. Maybe she can’t look at her phone all day, and when she can her messages have to be brief. Because she’s busy. Because she has a life, outside of you, which is healthy. Second, this is 1 week out you said, slow down on the paranoia. If this continues, then you can calmly express yourself, without sounding like a needy dude. Maybe, we can hook you up with the lady from the previous question? 

Lisa: I disagree with everything Erin said. She’s pulling the fade. You’ve been warned. 

Erin: I don’t know, these people and their demands give me anxiety. 






Have a burning question about love, dating, or pizza? Use the form on the top right of the page. We will answer all questions (eventually) and with (some) care. As always, your anonymity is golden. Until next time....xoxo


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