Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Ask Erin and Lisa!: Everyone is Lying (and you're thinking about it way too much)



Erin: We’re back again to usher in September with another round of questions. Your ready to do this, Lisa? 

Lisa: Yes.

Erin: Onward!





Q.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 7 months today. She has cheated on me in the past, as well as lied to me on a few occasions. I've tried to forgive her and move on but my mind was never at ease with her after her acts. The final straw was her asking me how I'd feel if she got a male roommate (she has one female one already). I told her I wasn’t too comfy with the idea, but I didn’t speak too much on it because I really didn’t think it would become a reality. A few days after she asked me how I felt, I called her to hear that her and the other roommate chose the guy to move in. My insecurities about her loyalty, and her past actions has me feeling like I can't trust her with a male roommate (and I'm seeing now, that in actuality, I don't trust her at all). She says I'm over-reacting, and to be honest I don’t know if I am. What do you think? Did I make a mistake in breaking up with her?


Erin: My insecurity about you involves a grown man using the word “comfy.”

Lisa: A cheater. A liar. Gross me out the door. I don’t blame you, brah. I’ve been cheated on once, that I actually know of, and I broke up with that motherfucker real fast. And I’ve never looked back. 

Erin: Walk away. Or run. Regardless of wether or not she is now miraculously trustworthy or wether or not you overreacted, there’s no trust left in this relationship. You did the right thing. Move on, and next time don’t stick around after the first betrayal. 

Lisa: I totally agree, Erin. Trust your instincts, always.

Erin: Lisa, his instinct was to stay with her after she repeatedly cheated. So, dude, maybe don’t always trust your instincts. 
Lisa: Yeah, ok, right, whatever, Erin. This chick is a piece of garbage. Contrary to what jerks like her think, it’s better, easier, and kinder to be honest. Leave her in the dust and don’t look back. 

Erin: And, P.S. Don’t make the next girlfriend pay the price for what this last one did. Go get some therapy and work your shit out. 




Q.

I am using a few dating apps and have been for awhile. I'm a 43 year old guy, decent looking, funny, smart-ish. The one thing that I have noticed is that almost everyone I have met lies about their weight. Now clearly in my profile I state I am not an adonis, I have “dad bod”, but I also put in my profile a full body shot and I make sure all my pics are taken within a year. My question is why do people (men and women) lie? I mean you're eventually going to meet this person and find out the truth anyway. So why lie?

This is driving me crazy because I meet these women who tell me everyone they meet lies to them. Then I meet these women only to find out they are WAY bigger than about average or the pictures they posted are 15 years old.

What the heck is going on here? I mean everyone complains about people lying to them but, they are no better themselves. How do I weed thru all the red flags?


Lisa: K. I love that you said “dad bod.” Also, you are right in my perfect age range and sound great, so maybe you could be my new boyfriend. 

Erin: OMG, I was just thinking when I read this, I bet Lisa would like this guy.

Lisa: Having been on these bullshit dating apps/sites recently myself (I’m not now, I couldn’t take it anymore). I think people lie because it’s all fantasy. It’s meta-perception in full fucking swing. 

Erin: I have never dated via apps, but I find that anything on the internet has high potential for being inaccurate. I would probably google people before I met them. You know, to get a little recon via Facebook or whatever. Now, if you want to meet our lovely Lisa, I am one hell of a pimp. 

Lisa: I used to link my Instagram and Twitter accounts, so dudes could see more recent photos of me in my everyday life. And if they didn’t do the same, it was, Next!





Q.

Ok, I know. I analyze little things too much but, was looking for some answers anyways. The ex and I broke up 4 months ago. He was cheating and left me for the other woman. Anyways, after it happened, I blocked him and his new GF on Facebook, and deleted every single one of his buddies. Today, I get a request from one of his friends that I didn’t really know that well. I haven’t accepted or declined. Why would this guy would add me? I haven’t seen or heard from him in a little over 4 months. Like I said, I didn’t know him that well and we only hung out a couple times.


Erin: You are totally overthinking this one. I cannot recall how many times I have added people, with the click of one button, who have popped up in the “people you may know” scroll. He might want to have sex with you, that’s for sure a possibility, because guys tend to be sort of one-tracked with females, but you are obsessing about something extremely unimportant. Please go get some therapy and like I said to the guy in the first question, don’t make the dude in your next relationship pay the price for the last one. 

Lisa: I don’t use Facebook and I’m always so surprised when I hear stories like this. It’s so middle school, 1999. My social media snobbery aside, I personally think he added you because he has a crush on you. 

Erin: OMG, Lisa, that is so middle school, “maybe he has a crush on you…..” Haha. 

Lisa: LULZ. 




Lisa’s social media snobbery aside, whatever that means, we’ve made it through another round of questions. Basically, avoid all the liars. Okay? Easy enough. If you have a question that desperately needs answering, use the form on the top right of the page. All questions will be answered (eventually) and with (some) care. As always, your anonymity is golden, like way more golden than it would be on Ashley Madison or whatever. xoxo

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