Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Leftover Friday Suggestions On A Tuesday Because YOLO


Oh, November, what a sad, strange month you have been. If you're in need of distraction, here are some suggestions for you....



















To Listen (Because after you rent or buy the short film mentioned above, you will want to listen to this over again, as it is one of the most beautiful, honest, pure songs...ever.)




 To listen




Ask Erin!: Is He Just Not That Into Me?


Without further ado......




Q.

Hi, I’m a 31 year old woman. I met a guy at a party, he took my number, and texted me first. I responded. Then I called him a couple days later and he called me back. We had a great chat, I asked him out. We set up a tentative date as we both have odd work schedules. He texted me the morning of that he was feeling sick and he wasn't sure about the date, but he definitely wanted to have the date later. I absolutely respect a guy who lets me know in advance. 

Now I approach dating as glass half empty since many guys show interest and then end up flaking on me or stringing me along. I don't mind if a guy isn't interested, but I absolutely despise men who lead me on. I never lead people on, if I'm not interested I will not go on a date just because I have nothing better to do. I guess I expect the worst, as I have gotten the worst. 

A day after we were supposed to have our date, I texted him asking how he is and he said he felt better. He took forever to text me back and never asked to reschedule. The convo ended with my text saying I was glad he felt better. If I was interested in someone I would ask them out as soon as possible. 

Let’s just say I spent days looking forward to the date and now I'm ready to "lose" his number. Opinion? The last time a different guy flaked on me twice, told me he still wanted to take me for drinks and I never saw him until 3 months later when he actually attempted to apologize. Should I write this one off? Is he just not that into me?







A.

Ah, the old “he’s just not that into you” conundrum. I’m from the school of- if someone is into you, they’re making the effort. Maybe he is already seeing someone else, maybe he changed his mind, maybe he was never that into you, maybe he was really hungover because he can’t control his drinking, or maybe he’s lazy. It doesn’t matter. It has little to do with you, because he doesn’t know you. 

Also, in my experience, a little cold never stopped me (or anyone I was dating who was interested in me) from going out with someone I liked. Maybe that’s socially irresponsible, in terms of exposing others to germs, but it’s true! (Unless we are talking stomach flu/food poisoning etc. because that’s just gross.)

In romantic situations, I think you’re better off starting things with someone who is showing a clear interest in you and vice-versa. No one wants to waste their time being half-assed. Limp love is a drag. 

Move on from this one. If you hear from him at some point, it’s your choice, but I would likely decline an invite. He’s shown you that he’s not that interested, or he has some complicated situation in his life that is preventing him from pursuing you, which results in the same ending. People readily show you who they are, quite quickly. It’s just that we don’t always want to see it. 







Well, I hope I have helped. If you have a question for me about sex, dating, heartache, French literature, frenemies, ballet, pepitas, or anything else, please use the form on the top right of the page or email me-  rarelywrongerin@gmail.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo



Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Ask Erin!: Should I Tell My Lover That His Wife Has A Big Secret?



Shall we? 



Q.

I’m 39 years old, female, and I have no idea how my life turned into such a soap opera. 
Here's the short story. I’ve been having an affair with a guy I used to work with for about a year and a half. When we met, we were both married. I got a divorce, he didn't, things continued the same. Recently, a friend of a friend who knows the wife, found out that their child isn't his. It's fact not speculation - I know I know, but it’s true. Anyway, he doesn't know. I know, but he doesn't.

SO I am struggling with what to do. The way I see it, I have a few ways to go about it. 

1) DO nothing say nothing - stay out of it.

2) Do a paternity test on him and his child, without his knowledge to have absolute indisputable proof (even though this confession came from the wife).

3) Send her an anonymous email letting her know the story is out and she has "X" amount of time to straighten it out.

4) Confront him with the story and deal with the outcome.

5) Confront her with the story and deal with the outcome.

Please even if you just pick a number, I am looking for some focus with this huge problem. And, I don’t know how things got this way. Ugh. 





A.

Ugh is right. Let’s review the facts. You are having an affair with a married man. Said affair either destroyed your marriage or happened because your marriage was doomed anyway. You are concerning yourself with matters within his marriage. Matters that have nothing to do with you. Matters that you are concerned about because you hope they will serve you. Also, matters that you cannot know to be true. It’s heresay. 

There’s no way to sugar coat this. I’m going to tell you the truth, which you want to hear or you would not have asked me for my opinion. Step away from the married man and this colossal mess. WTF are you doing? 

You are a 39 year old woman. You’re too experienced, too smart, and worth too much, to put yourself in this messy, messy situation. 

Breaking down the options for action: 
  1. DO nothing say nothing - stay out of it.” Okay, this comes the closest to what you should do, but you are only half way there. 
  2. Do a paternity test on him and his child, without his knowledge to have absolute indisputable proof (even though this confession came from the wife).” Collecting his DNA, okay, I guess doable. How do you plan on secretly testing the paternity of his child? Breaking into his house and swabbing inside the poor baby’s cheek? Stealing an old baby bottle out of his car? Are you CSI? You have lost your mind if you think this is a legitimate option.
  3. Send her an anonymous email letting her know the story is out and she has "X" amount of time to straighten it out.” Don’t be that woman. This isn’t Gossip Girl
  4. Confront him with the story and deal with the outcome.” Again, to what end? You think that if you confront him, he’s going to divorce her and you’ll ride off into the sunset together? You won’t.
  5. Confront her with the story and deal with the outcome.” This is an underhanded way of blowing the whole thing up and exposing the affair to get what you want. And it won’t work either.

You need to choose #6- END THIS MESS NOW. No good can come of you staying in this situation or attempting to solve the mystery of wether or not he is the father. You are not Maury Povich

I know the truth sucks. You want this to end happily ever after. But, it won’t. Do EVERYONE a favor, and GTFO. Also, get some therapy so you make better choices next time. You really do deserve better. 






Another week, another question. I don’t know about you, but for me last week was challenging, to say the least. Here’s hoping that the second week of November is a whole lot easier! If you have a question for me about love, life, oral sex, Maury Povich, the world’s best chocolate chip cookies, Poirot, Siouxsie and the Banshees, cats, or anything else, please use the form on the top right of the page or email rarelywrongerin@gmail.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo

Monday, November 9, 2015

Current Mood And I'm Just Gonna Go With It





Last week was less than stellar. I am sad, for a variety of reasons. In the grand scheme, everything is good, this will pass. But, right here, right now, I'm just letting myself feel it. And in honor of that, some music. Music echoes what what we feel and sometimes that's what we need. And for once, I'm not going to judge myself for it. 







Yes, I posted this before, but what-evs. JENNY LEE












and one more from Money that I've posted before, because I really like this song. 


Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Ask Erin!: I Have Feelings For My Co-Worker, Should I Pursue A Relationship?



Here we are, November. Let's get to it. 






Q.

So, there’s a lady at work I’ve been crushing on. I know work relationships aren't ideal, but it gets worse. She's in a relationship.

However, she's far from happy in this relationship. This I know. She’s pretty much told me. Everyday we flirt. We both smoke and usually take our smoke breaks together. Often when I don't show at the normal time when we go for a smoke break, she'll say something like 'you stood me up again' or 'what happened about our date?'  This is not good when you're trying to quit smoking!  On Mondays, or if we haven’t smoked together for a couple days, she’ll say something like 'where have you been all my life?' I'm not a naturally confident person, but with her, I feel at ease. We can joke around and it’s effortless.

I just don't know what to do because on one hand I feel I should leave it alone, as it's a messy situation, but then I believe I can make her happier than she feels.....and certainly happier than I feel. Should I pursue this and tell her how I feel, or just let it go?






A.

Okay, how could I not have visions of Pam and Jim running through my mind as I read this question? Except for the smoking. Dude, quit, drop that nasty stinky rock. It’s killing you. 

But, back to the question. Listen, you said it yourself- there are two major red flags here. One, she’s your co-worker, and if things end, you have to see each other, Monday-Friday. The bright side? Maybe then at least one of you will quit smoking!! Two, she’s already in a relationship. And from how you tell it, not a very healthy one. So, that brings me to a third red flag- don’t try to be the rebound for someone who is sticking around in an unhealthy relationship. This does not bode well for her emotional health. Ya dig? 

Points two and three are really the bigger issue. Don’t seek out emotional entanglements with someone whose own life sounds pretty muddy. This is not The Office. I don’t think you’re getting married to this lady in Season 6. Oh, and, no more smoking! 





Well kids, I hope you’ve learned something about looking for love in all the wrong places. If you have a question for me about condoms, dating, breakups, narcissists, everything bagels, The Love Boat, Beverly Hills 90210, The Mets, or anything else, please email rarelywrongerin@gmail.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo